Saturday, October 22, 2011

Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet...

This morning, Bossyhead had gotten up & was laying on the floor watching TV. And I noticed that he was no longer looking at the television. The lower half of his body had not moved, but the upper half was slightly twisted, with his chin on his soccer ball, facing the opposite direction of the TV. He looked dazed, like maybe daydreaming or something.

I asked him if he was doing OK. He only shifted his eyes to me & nodded slightly, then his eyes began staring at the floor again. I kept watching him to see what the deal was.

As I looked closer, I realized he was studying a fly on the carpet. So I asked him if he was looking at the fly. Again, I only received a slight nod. He was doing this in hopes to not scare the fly away.

So, as I watched him, his look slightly changed. He rolled forward on his ball a bit & quickly raised & lowered his arm as to attempt to smash the fly - but to no avail.

I then noticed that the ball had been moved out of the way, he was laid out, on his belly, in commando position, tracking down the fly on the floor again - slowly making his move, quietly slithering closer. A raise of the hand & a quick lowering of the hand proved to be another defeat.

He has given up for now, but I know it will become personal. Those little buggers (pun intended) may not stand a chance against our little nimrod.


UPDATE: This afternoon - he got one! We are so proud. Carry on.

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Playing With My (Halloween) Food

I'm going make it very known that I LOVE HALLOWEEN!!

If I have the chance to be creative with my food for it, I do it. I try to keep my anonymity around these parts, but I'm going share some of my fun creations & it might give me away to some. That's how it goes. I want to share some fun ideas with you. You can either gawk & be horrified or gander & be amazed! HA!

My favorite is the stuff I use with my brain mold. I have a big one that I have used, and recently received a smaller one that I really want to use! They can be used to make a cheeseball (love doing a cheese brain) or gelatin. We even used the big brain mold for a brain project for Woogie several years ago. He got an 'A' & the class loved the jello brain! Apparently no one had done jello brain for a brain model for the project before. HA! And, for effect - serve on a silver platter. When the cheese brain was done, we brushed a little ketchup over the top for gorier effect.

Another fun one is a zombie face cake! Take several layers of foil & put it over your face or someone else's. Not to smother them - but to make a mold of their face. The several layers of foil help give it stability. Carefully place the foil mold face down (pun slightly intended) in a cake pan. I have one that was completely cut up & bent to hold the face mold. Spray the foil face with cooking spray & then take red velvet cake mix & fill as much as you can. Bake it & use the toothpick test. Sometimes it may bake for a couple of hours. But when you take it out & let it cool, pick that thing up & flip it over in a cake pan or glass dish; peel off the foil & you will be amazed at what you see! Take a blue, black or brown icing pen & make a line over the mouth & eyes. Crush oreos & put it around the face cake & it will look like a zombie face coming out of the ground!

There' also punch you can make. A tomato-juice-based drink that you can add cherry to, or other fruit juices to sweeten it up. take some of the juice & put it in a human heart mold & freeze it. Spray the mold first! You then can have a floating heart in your blood punch. So cool! Serve it in a cauldron! Bwah-hahahaha! (Sorry - no pic of it.)

There's also witch fingers you can make. Take your favorite cookie dough & form cylinders. Begin shaping them into "fingers" & add an almond slice at the tip for a fingernail. Color the dough with green food coloring if you want witch fingers.

Another tomato-juice-based dish you can make is Eyeball Soup. It's red, creamy, hot (simmer down people - hehe), and it has pearl onions in it! I took it a step further & added whole cloves to one end of each onion I put in there. It was wonderfully twisted!

So, there you go. Inside my mind at Halloween time. So much fun. Bone Appetite!
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DOORMAT Victory! (a small one)

What a crazy week, but thought I'd share what happened Monday with my DOORMAT duties!

If you have kept up with these adventures, you know I have an arch nemesis: DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! She is insane, has no idea what she's doing, and has still gotten to be put in charge of doing the major portion of copies for several 1st grade classes. She is new to the school & believes everyone else is too. She's loud & refuses to listen to ANYONE! So when I don't have my stuff because we are waiting on her, I get the 'privilege' (it's not a right) to be able to help this psycho out. yippee & yay me. (Can you sense the excitement? I knew you could!)

Well, Monday was one of those days. And she was given a more difficult task that she could NOT keep up with! I was trying to help out what she was already making a mess of, adding all kinds of extra steps of work & was only concerned about the math of things rather than keeping it simple & getting the job done. When I tried to give her a couple of tips, she got mad at me & nearly yelled (said REALLY loudly), "WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN METHODS!" Whoa! Simmer down princess. She refused to see that her method doesn't work. The copies were in piles that made no sense & the piles were running together. Do you understand how she gained her name? And in the mess, she had to ask me how to work an actual copier! There are rules on what can & can't be run on a copier and the risograph. She refused to find out until I said something to her. Geesh!

Once we think we have everything together now, and everything is separated per class, the teacher I work with appeared very displeased with the odd pile I gave her. I think she sensed my confusion as well since DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh was the only one with any information & she refused to give it. Once we got things sorted out, it became very apparent that I was short one pile of what I needed. I went to another Doormat helper to see if she had extras in her pile. Alas, she did not. SHE actually was short also. So I had to go to my arch nemesis to see if she had extra. What do you know - she had counted wrong & she had 2 extra. Go figure. But it wasn't enough to go around.

So I had to put on my cape & come to the rescue. I went & made the extra copies needed as the Doormat Helper seemed quite relieved & I got to finish my duties.

It appeared that commotion may have come out of this as I was talking to my real life fabulous crazy neighbor (really do love her). She came into the school & I was trying to see if she knew anything about this villain. She did not, but does crazy-cool detective work! (She's really nosy when she needs to be.) She went to the teacher who DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh works for about the mess. I think the teacher I work for may have done the same thing.

Well, when I was done, I started to leave. But the teacher I worked for got puppy-dog eyes & asked if I would take over on a copy project. Usually I would say no - but not today! I wanted to prove that there is a better way! I got the project done, in order, separated properly & to my go-to teacher in efficient time & it was ready to go. HA-HA-HA! *super hero stance* My job here is done!

Let's see what the next Monday brings & what happens. Let's see if DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh will continue to be trusted - or will have been defeated!

To Be Continued...

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Monday, October 17, 2011

Money, Money, Money - I Hate Fundraising

You mean you brought home ANOTHER fundraiser that we aren't going to do? I know you want the crappy prizes, but we aren't getting crappy stuff!

Anyone else have this thought process or conversation with their kids about school fundraisers? These things are horrible!

I know the school needs money for resources and the like, but there's GOT to be a better way!

And? There are 300 other kids selling the same crap to everyone else, too. Annoying! And? They get prizes for selling enough of the crap! So - if you sell 73.4 items, you get get a pencil topper & fart slime? Awesome. We get to spend $83 to get a crappy plastic ladle & coasters? Great. Worth it? NOT A CHANCE!

I would rather the schools just send out a note saying they need $$$. I will happily just give them $20 or $30 to help out. Seriously.

Now my kids have done the "district fundraiser". EVERY kid from kindergarten through 8th grade was to sell these for "fabulous prizes" (see above paragraph). But all these kids in the district are selling them. We had 2 in our house selling them. They were due today. We didn't buy any. Instead we bribed the boys with $5 each that they could spend on whatever crap prize they want from Wally World or elsewhere & then we didn't have to take a card that we would only use 2 of the 20 things from.

I have a much better fundraising idea! Have a talent show for the faculty. Let the kids advertise for it & then keep a tab of which kids you are there to watch the show for. Most of the faculty have an outside talent that can be shared. However, if one was moonlighting as a pole dancer or drag queen, that might be a little different. But I digress. Most of them have a singing, dancing (appropriate), magic, etc. talent. What kid wouldn't want to know that about their educators! And the parents would love to know who is working with their kids - so show off the talent! The kids would beg to come to this event, it would be entertaining for adults & it wouldn't take a kid asking you to buy 20 things to get a crap prize. Hold a drawing at the event for the kids AND for the adults.

I want to help the schools. They need money. I've seen it first hand from doing DOORMAT duties to see where the money needs to go. But there HAS to be a better way! People are guilting their kids into being seriously pushy sales people. It's frustrating when they get told they need to get pumped up for crappy prizes. If they want prizes, just send some $$ to school in their name & give them happy stickers. I mean really!

Am I the only one who feels this way? Or has anyone else bribed their kids into NOT doing a fundraiser?
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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Messin' With Teen Diva

For the parents out there who end up watching the kids' show 'iCarly', you will be familiar with the bit they do called 'Messin' With Lewbert' (insert remote control crowd cheers here). If you don't know what I'm talking about, Carly & her two friends have a web show. They do a bit once in a while that focuses on pranking their horrible doorman at the apartment building. He is pretty nasty - and his name is Lewbert - and he has a nasty, giant wart on his face with a personality to match.

Well, Teen Diva isn't AS bad as Lewbert, but she can get pretty nasty & hateful. She's also fairly gullible & it is SO much fun to mess with! She may learn & become immune to it one of these days - but we will continue to have a lot of fun with it until & if that day ever comes!

If you saw my fantastic parenting in the cell phone blog post, you will know what an issue we can have with Teen Diva & her cell phone. Well, the mean parent struck again with that cell phone. Want to know what I did? Keep reading!

We have a rule about electronics in our house: ALL electronic from the kids (phones, laptops, Nintendo DS', iPods, etc.) MUST be turned in BEFORE they go bed. And they must get permission to retrieve ANY of their electronics. If these are not met, you lose your electronics by discretion. And we do still get them "forgetting" to turn their stuff in & sometimes we get them trying to find a loophole of sorts.

Of course, Teen Diva is a main culprit of this. We hear a lot of excuses as to why things can't be turned in. Usually it's because she "lost" the item in her black hole. She's even snuck her electronics out & tried to tell us that we never gave it back to her from last time, but it's sitting on her bed. Things like that. (a bonus tip: to keep them from sneaking them out during their "grounding", hide electronics in some kind of bag or garment & put it in the trunk of your car. Bwah-hahahaha)

Well, last night, we noticed she never came out of hiding after getting cleaned up. I went to check on her & she was PASSED OUT (almost sleeping beauty-style) on her bed with her phone placed beautifully on her pillow. So - I snuck over to the bed, took the phone, then turned out her light.

Being the "nice mommy", I checked to see if it needed charging. It did, so I plugged in her phone this time, but placed it under an end table while it charged. Apparently she got up at one point & freaked out because she couldn't find her phone.

When I woke her up this morning, I didn't say a word about it. She woke up talking 500 mph about how she looked for her phone & it was right there & she thought she had it & looked everywhere & she doesn't know where it is & blah-blah-blah. She never picked up on the fact that I was really calm about it. I just told her to eat breakfast.

She got done with breakfast early to spend TWENTY MINUTES trying to find her phone in her black hole. I reminded her she needed to get ready for school & to stop looking for the phone. However, in this time, she thought that taking our ONE landline receiver to the black hole to call the "missing" phone was a good idea - even though the cell phone is on vibrate & she now lost the ONE landline receiver in the black hole. Awesome.

I calmly took the phone off the charger & set the phone on her backpack. As she rushed to get herself together, I noticed she had a different, smaller bag. I asked her about her backpack & she said she didn't need it. I did inform her to check her backpack. She did & said she found the phone. She tried to ask me where it was at.

I told her to have a good day & sent her out the door. I wonder if she'll think through not turning in her phone. Well, at least for a week. The freak-out is WAY better than the grounding!

And it's so worth it, but holding her laptop, iPod & DS hostage in my trunk is pretty entertaining.
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Monday, October 10, 2011

Cleaning Tip: The Darn Thing Was Loaded With Sh...

'...aving cream, be nice clean. Shave everyday and you'll always look keen!'

That's right, I'm going to give you a really-truly-true, really true cleaning tip! Oh, I can hear you --- "Say What?" I know. But sometimes I can come up with a gem or two. And if you haven't figured out - it involves: SHAVING CREAM!

I do not know the science behind it, but it is a killer cleaner! Sinks, tubs, mirrors - seriously! Get the super cheap stuff, no need to make things pricey. Keep. It. Cheap.

Squirt the cream (simmer down & get those minds out of the gutter) all over the surface. Take a scrub brush, or whatever you choose to scrub with, and scrub the entire surface with it. Rinse with water. If the staining is bad enough, use a little bleach or bleach cleaner with it.

I used some on our bathtub yesterday. Hubsy got out of the shower, he asked if I thought it worked. I asked him what he thought. He began to act like he'd been blinded & said he thought a layer of enamel may have been stripped away. This caused me to begin laughing. That's what prompted him saying he sometimes loves my laugh since it sometimes gets a "bat of an eyelash away from snorting".

So, cleaning method: Approved.

See? And it's quick, cheap & easy! (simmer down & get your minds out of the gutter)
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The Dream Predicted This Omelette

Well, let's just get out of the way that today turned into an omelette. With no warning, as usual.

Mondays are when I perform my DOORMAT duties & usually have to deal with my arch nemesis, DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh. But before I get to the actual omelette of a day, let me tell you a back story & I'll go from there:

*insert Wayne's World Flashback sound effect here - DOO-Doo-doo, DOO-Doo-doo*

Bossyhead's teacher found out last year that she had cancer. She & I have a few mutual friends, so I kind of knew what was going on with this teacher. So I thought it was interesting that Bossyhead got her this year. She is doing OK, but still going in for occasional treatments. When she does, there is one teacher that comes in & subs. This is really good for continuity for the kids so they have familiarity with the sub & the sub with them. The kids have an idea of what goes on & they know the schedule of when the sub comes in.

Well, the sub was in this last week on Thursday & Friday. Bossyhead got up today & started talking about the sub. He asked if I knew who she is & when her schedule is. I told him yes. So he said that he had a dream last night that this sub was there on Thursday, Friday AND Monday. I told him that his teacher should be there today.

So, we get around this morning to do my DOORMAT duties (looks like we are back to where we left off). When we got to school, the students from his class were still in the hallway waiting to enter the classroom. The only class waiting to enter their classroom. Finally another teacher stuck her head in the door & then walked out with -------- A SUB!! Not their regularly scheduled one either. I'm talking a chic who had no idea the class was supposed to be greeted at the door, looked like a deer in the headlights. I told her I come in on Mondays to work with the kids & didn't know if she had anything. *receives very blank stare* "Uh - she didn't tell - hmmm - I don't know - *speechless & staring*". She was a total deer in the headlights. That signaled my exit.

There was rain in our area today, the full moon is coming, and this gal is assigned to a class of 1st graders & she doesn't know what she's doing. My kid came home OK, but the neighbor kid talked about what a horrible day it was. I wonder if the sub survived.

But it opened up my morning! And I didn't have to deal with DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh!
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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Explaining Lunar-tics

Yesterday, I had to do some driving on the highway to help out with some family stuff. The drivers were CA-RAY-ZAY! And not just one or two - a whole slue of them. And it got me thinking about when this tends to happen - full moon.

Now I used to have a J.O.B. several years ago where I was the main receptionist for several bank branches. Our particular lobby was pretty telling of what the lunar phase was, so much so that I started keeping up on when the full moon was. When it was time for the full moon, I would send an email to all employees that had a LOT of customer contact to beware. And I would always be right. It would be scary the characters & demeanors that would come out during that time. Full-on CA-RAY-ZAY!

Well, I also noticed something else - when the lunar half-moon is out, it brings out the half-wits. Seriously. Watch for it.

So, as I was trying to figure out if it was a full moon, I talked to hubsy to see if he knew. Last night, we looked up & saw ------------------- half-moon. Yes indeed - the half-wits came out to play.

I got thinking about these lunar phases: should we play quarters on the quarter-moon, and should we be baby-making on the baby moon (or practicing)?

Now, you should feel slightly & strangely educated. And beware on the full moon AND half moon. You're welcome.
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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Acquiring the 50's - Hopefully

Recently I have gained a chance to acquire something so amazing & exciting, I am hoping to get a hold of it. And I promise, it is not a seashell crucifix - I promise!

We are going through my grandmother's house that we are getting ready to sell right now, so we are trying to divey up some things. She recently moved to assisted living, so it's OK. But it's hard going through all of the stuff like she isn't with us.

However, as much history is in that place that she has held onto, I am dying to get a hold of some fabulous things that I could still use! Want to know what it is? Well I just might tell you!

I got a hankerin' to get a table & 3 chairs, refrigerator, rolling cart, cabinet & toaster all from the 50's & all in silver & white! They are fabulous! But we are not sure where to put the stuff. And I knew hubsy wouldn't exactly be pleased about any of this.

Well, I spoke to him today, vocally batted my eyes (it can be done), and I gave him my ideas. Hubsy's reaction was letting me know that we don't have room, I must be crazy, and that he is not telling me no!

He didn't say yes - but he didn't say NO! Oh, this stuff is so mine! WaHoo!
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Monday, October 3, 2011

A Case of Cheating Not Helping

Today is Monday, a day when I do my duties that requires my DOORMAT tshirt & SUCKER hat: volunteering at Bossyhead's school. And, if you read some previous posts about this (blog or Facebook) then you know about my up & coming arch nemesis, DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh.

However, I haven't had to deal with this villain's copying shenanigans lately, but today was a new one. It's proof of cases when cheating does NO one any good!

Now, I'm all about some cheating as a shortcut, but not when you are dealing with volunteering in the education field.

Lately, the duties I've been helping with is working with the kids on their reading fluency. It isn't our job at that moment to walk them through, but instead make note of where they need help. Trust me, if I was given the reign to help them with the words, I'd be on it! But imagine my dismay when the forces of evil were at hand:

I could hear DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh timing the kids & TELLING them what words were next! How does that help the kids except to bump them up for a moment? What happens when the go to read it at home or to their teacher & don't do nearly as well as this first time out bump in WPM number? So frustrating! There are a couple of kids I work with who only know maybe 3-5 words, period, right now. I would LOVE to tell them the words & help them sound it out. But we have to show where they are at & any growth they have gotten.

Then, on top of that, I had a slight break as Bossyhead's class left the room for a few minutes, so I was just camped in the hallway - listening to my arch nemesis cheating with the class she was working with. One girl came out to work with DD-oh-oh-oh-oh (must always have the echo) who was in Bossyhead's class last year. She saw me sitting in the hallway & waved at me a couple of times - which I waved back, of course. DD-oh-oh-oh-oh actually questioned if I really knew the little girl! REALLY? Listen, new chick on the block, who only came in because you didn't like the school your kid was in before - who do you think you are questioning who knows whom & helping cheat these kids through NOTHING? The audacity is disgusting!

Do you sense the weirdness of evil like I do?

OK, off my soapbox for now. But this is NOT over!
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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Future White Elephants

My MIL is an avid garage saler. Sometimes it's to a fault. She has recently come into some extra freedom to go do more of it. The things she has ended up with lately, though have been MUCH less than appealing!

Recently the inlaws have been acquiring some animated animals that sing. 3 of them so far - one of them given to Teen Diva. A hamster singing "I'm Too Sexy" is Perfect White Elephant (PWE) #1.

They have also been picking up strange Christmas items. The most recent is a 3 ft tall, remote control Santa with a serving tray on his head. MIL is totally giddy about playing with it & making it go through their place. They want us out very soon to show it to us. Ick.

So, onto the visit last night. They came over after - you guessed it - garage saling ALL DAY LONG. Yay for us.

We have a rule at our house that the kids cannot have food or drink in their rooms. It's due to saving all of us from unneeded spills, germs, extra trash & missing dishes. I think it makes sense. But - when the inlaws showed up last night, this is what we find for Teen Diva:

When I confronted MIL about how this is not allowed, she informed me it is just for water. So I explained that this will encourage the disappearance of cups & glasses into Teen Diva's black hole. MIL said they planned on buying her little paper cups to keep in there. So - encouraging more trash. Oh, and spillage. I was pissed! And MIL didn't understand why. So? PWE #2 in the works - I don't care how much Teen Diva likes it.

Then, when I had a chance to just sit down on the couch, I saw one of the most horrendous things I have ever, Ever, EVER laid my eyes on. All I can say at this moment is - prepare yourselves.

Brace yourselves.

But here is what I promised.

Are you ready?

Are you sure?

Is the suspense killing you?

Are you all OK? I still haven't recovered. Partially because it is still in our house! The inlaws noticed I wasn't as "taken" with it as MIL. She thought it was so pretty! She wanted Hubsy to put it in his office. Hubsy can't even look at it. And yes, what you are looking at what is PWE #3 - a seashell crucifix. A seashell cross is weird enough, but a plastic bleeding Jesus hanging from it, too? Then, even better - MIL said they had to fix Jesus' arm because it broke. They superglued the arm back on! I'm speechless looking at it - so is Hubsy.

And, not sure if I'm happy for this or hurting for them, but Woogie & Bossyhead didn't really get anything. Well, Bossyhead got pajamas that WE requested they pick up. So we knew what we were getting, but I can't imagine if they picked things out on their on at garage sales. Yowza.

So, since the inlaws are each other's yin to their yin (yes ,they are TOO much alike), and cannot discern anything, I'm am in true belief they need 24/7 chaperoning. Save us all!
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