Thursday, December 12, 2013

So Happy It's Gone

I'm in such a Christmas spirit mood right now! RIGHT NOW!!!

It may be for a very wrong reason - but it's good one. I swear!

Do you remember when I had hoped for a white elephant exchange? If not, you need to find out why I needed one so badly HERE! It will make more sense when you actually see it.

It's taken a long time, neighbors. But it finally happened.

Ladies & gentlemen: Seashell Crucifix Bleeding Jesus with the Super Glued Arm is officially GONE!!!


I know, right?

While we were hosting a bi-monthly group at our house, Hubsy decided that our holiday gathering would include a white elephant gift exchange. I rejoiced in that moment. Why? Because, at that very second, I knew what Hubsy's PWE would be! And I couldn't wait!

Can you imagine the horror on the face of the recipient? Yes. It was priceless.

But, the real shocker came when the last person to be able to steal anything actually STOLE the seashell Jesus!!!


I know, right?

The reason was even funnier:
They had another white elephant exchange coming up & knew this was the PWE that would work!

Something even funnier? Someone was rather entertained by my PWE: the singing hamster!

So, a whole TWO of the long-time-comin' PWE's that I'd hoped to get rid of are GONE! BOOM!


I need a tissue. I know it's a tear from my tear duct & not the bleeding coming from it when I would have to gaze upon the hideousness of Seashell Jesus! It's a beautiful thing...

Merry Christmas to me!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

When The Girls Want to be Exhibitionists

I mean, really.


Of all times for this to possibly happen, they should not feel the need to wave at everyone & think about entertaining. I mean, really.

Hubsy & I were doing our weekly shopping. Yes, we do this together. It's part of our weekly "date day" while the kids are in school. And we do it at Walmart. Oh - I sense some of you cringing. I can also sense the wanting to get on your "shame-on-you" soapbox. But guess what! It works for us. And we need a lot of stuff. And we save money. That's our biggest deal right now.

But I digress - because the point is we were shopping at Walmart. And I mean a lot of shopping!

Since it's our usual togetherness outing, I try to treat it like a date & try to look decent. This outing had me sporting some red jeggings, a white button-up tunic blouse, a gray cardigan, and a big-and-beautiful deep yellow scarf. Got it in your head? Good. Let's continue...

I have had the blouse for years. It's got an interesting cut, quarter length French cuffs, and an interesting texture to it. But I go a long time between wearing it. Why? Because I forget something about this top. But I'll get to that in a moment.

We strolled through the health/beauty section, and then some of the Christmas layout, and then passed the toys, and then onto some home wares, and electronics, and then pet food, and then smelly good room smells, then to the paper goods - you get the idea.

When we headed into the grocery part of our grocery shopping, I could feel a tickle from my scarf that I wasn't prepared for. Oh, good grief! My top button on the blouse was undone!
So I buttoned it back "discretely", and carried on with my portion of the shopping.

See, Hubsy & I have shopping "zones". I get a particular few things, he gets a particular things, we rendezvous in an aisle & then continue shopping together as we continue tag teaming the shopping trip. I works pretty well for us!

Well, as I was continuing with my portion of the grocery shopping (before the rendezvous point), it seemed a bit breezy. I did notice that I was getting several stares of attention by my bold choice in outfit! And then...after a while I began to realize that, " eyes are up here!" Oh no. That top button had gone renegade again! I fixed it as quickly as I could again. And when my hubby came back, he saw me messing with my outfit awkwardly. I told him I was having issues with my upper portion. He kind of rolled his eyes & laughed. That was until I got that scarf tickle again. I began to realize that The Girls, Boo & Bea, had decided this was the day to become exhibitionists. They tried to break free from their brassiere accommodations (aka - prison pods) and wanted to be social at Walmart. They did so by busting another button hole wide open!

As I turned to try to quickly rectify the situation, Hubsy's eyes nearly popped out of his head! I informed him that Boo & Bea may have entertained a few folks along the way, and possibly made some friends. He just figured he did a killer mind trick. He's such a dude sometimes!

Here's the deal: Boo & Bea are not large. Heck, they got up to the modest size they are by me having kids! I'm well endowed compared to what I used to be, but it's nothing to go bragging about. So the fact that they were trying to find the weakness in the blouse tent to freedom is frightening to me!

Oh yes, the twins put on quite a show.
At Walmart.

And so I stopped & buttoned the top 2 buttons of the cardigan to block any of their possible future view! You know what? It worked! Boo & Bea went to sleep after that.

I guess The Girls want to be exhibitionists. Sorry to the guys, but we need to put an end to that pretty quick. I believe this is why I quit wearing this blouse so much.

Oh, by the way, Boo & Bea wanted me to tell you all hello.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Villainess in the LBD

Believe it or not, people really do like me. I swear!

But if you start questioning some of my immediate family, you'll get a much different story ---

I have had a lot of parenting issues with Teen Diva & Woogie due to some "help" from Peeping Mom years ago. Very grateful for having her help in the early stages of me being a working mom AND a brand new mom, however - it had hidden challenges. Little did we know that she was undermining our authority so often. And it was all in an effort to "help." Now there are challenges, still, in having them see me as a parent. It's hard.

It's interesting, though - they only question my parenting & not necessarily those of Hubsy. But then I figured out why:
See, Hubsy is the golden child of his side. *gag* He can do no wrong. It frustrates his siblings, for sure! I am the second marriage for him. Trying to be chivalrous the 1st time around, he married this other woman because he got her pregnant & thought is was the right thing to do. But it proved challenging since he didn't love her (and probably vice versa), but they had this kid to raise. So, after their divorce, Queen MILly was helping to "raise" my stepdaughter. And in the mess of everything, since I wasn't "the mom", I was not viewed very well. Not that the actual mom was either, but I wasn't the biological mom, and I'm stealing the golden child, so I was not exactly looked well upon. However, I was told I need to step up the "mom-role" with the girl, but when I did, I was being over bearing & told I shouldn't do that; on the flip-side, when I backed off, I wasn't doing enough & I should do more. Obviously, a no-win situation. So she was always told by Queen MILly to listen to either her, her father, or bio mom. I was often shoved aside.

Fast forward to me having my older two, Hubsy's side would tell Teen Diva & Woogie to only ask him or talk to him. I was never included in their view of authority. Frustrating. And it was hard!

Now, on both sides of the coin, there are game-players. You know the ones: anyone who just uses those close to them as game/chess pieces to help them get what they want. Yeah, them. And I don't play those games [anymore]. Because I have figured out that I don't want to be another pawn, I am not a game-player.

I have figured out that I will not compromise who I am or how I act based on how someone else wants me to act just to make THEM happy or feel more superior. I ain't here to kiss rings, feet, or to kneel or bow to anyone. They don't have to like it, but I won't lower myself to levels like that.

It's because I refuse to be a pawn in so many games that I am really viewed as a villainess on both sides of the family.

So imagine when a lot of it culminated when I found out the family alliances going on with both sides of the family against me. And when much of it appeared under 1 roof at the same time! Well, it happened.

I'd seen the ugly from both sides & have pointed out to them before. When one side is mad at me because they don't care, but I should cater to them anyway, to the other side who thinks they care too much & it has actually shoved me aside "out of love" - well, it doesn't end well. And when I don't want to talk about it since I know the friction it will bring, I'm awful for that, too.

Do I realize I'm the common denominator in this? Yep, I sure do. However, it's not like I'm being vilified for a particular quirk. It's literally because I won't bow or cater to several people at once in two totally different family situations.

And, there I was at a family wedding, standing in a little black dress,  being told by one side that I can either just be coordinator or just sit in the masses as a guest while the other side shows up seeing what my reaction would be to being so fully undermined it's ridiculous. And, there I was able to tell people what to do & where to go (take that as you will), in my beautiful Isaac Mizrahi cocktail dress, and able to see that I don't fit in with any part of the family that doesn't live under my roof.

While all of this was building up, I have been confiding in a good friend who is very much like me. She has also dealt in many of the same things I have within her family. Then she gave me a bit of advice that made total sense. She asked me,
"Do you know why you are viewed the way you are & you are used as the shared scapegoat? It's because you are a strong personality, like me, and they don't know how to deal with our strength of character."
Whoa. That was deep. And the more I thought about it, the truer it sounded.

There are several traumatic things that have happened to me over the years, and most of them have come from & because of the 2 alliances. And when I bring up those traumatic things to remind them where that part of the relationships were "shaped" from (or made it more broken), I'm told to get over it. These situations were very bad. very, Very, VERY bad. And I believe it's even worse when both sides of these alliances don't think that what was done & my being thrown under the bus should be considered a big deal.

I am using images of Sarah Ferguson for this post. She is a strong & fabulous redhead that was vilified by the Royal Family. She was shunned & dissed for some things. Now she didn't make the best of choices, don't get me wrong, but I understand the way she was treated.

You must understand that, when you have to stand up for yourself & try to defend or protect your family from the vileness that has been thrown at you, it will look like this:

Yes - all of these reactions happen when I stand up for myself & protect/defend my family. I look like a crazed woman. But I don't back down off of my stance. 

When there are these "family folk" who try to tout having such strong family values, these are the same ones who have screwed me over in a whole lot of ways. You shouldn't bully family & think it's OK. But they do.

So I've decided to join ranks with some of the most amazing & recognizable women:

And I will be fabulous in my role of the villainess.

I am the redheaded black sheep of the family, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.

And may God help the souls who get yanked into & become lost in "The Game".

Thursday, October 3, 2013

What is That Stink? Oh, Never Mind.

As I was strolling through Pinterest the other day, I came across a Youtube video that caught my eye.

So, I did what anyone would do & risk my computer to click on the link. Well, I had to watch John Barrowman dancing to "Single Ladies"! Wouldn't you want to click on that? BOOM! Who wouldn't?

Anyhoo - I brought it up, and the most annoying Youtube habit occurred.

You know the one.

That ridiculous habit of showing some advertisement before hand. UGH! But they usually have the option to "Skip Ad" after about 5 seconds or so into it.

However, about 2 seconds into this particular ad, I couldn't bring myself to skip it. I watched the entirety of the 2+ minute commercial for something that I was so horrified, shocked & tickled at. I was laughing so hard in shock & awe in what I was looking at. I couldn't stop. I was so disgusted & entertained at the same time!

Well - let me take this moment to share the masterpiece with you. It's in a Youtube video all by itself:

Yes. This is for a really-real, truly-true product. And the reviews of the product are nearly as entertaining as the commercial, itself. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. (read the reviews HERE)

So, in case you just need to hide the fact that everybody poops, no worries. Poo-Pourri has your hiney covered.

You can check out the Poo-Pourri site, HERE, to see which delightful scent you want folks to believe you leave behind. <<< partial pun intended

I bet you can now sleep better knowing this exists & we can all use the lou in sweet-smelling harmony now.

It will save friendships, marriages & lives. I'm sure of it. And the fact that an adorable redhead is calmly telling you about her issues, while wearing one of the cutest dresses I've ever seen, probably doesn't hurt this fact, either.

And, yes. I'm actually tempted to try it. If so, I'll let you know how delightful it is to know that obviously nobody in my house has the stinkies.

You. Are. Welcome.

Oh, by the way, I was way more entertained by this 2 minute commercial than the 44 second fan video of Barrowman "dancing" to Beyonce'. Just for the record.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Parenting Win From the Naughty Side

Hello, Neighbors!

Yes, it's been almost 2 years since I've been around the neighborhood. Actually I moved into the neighborhood just over 2 years ago before needing to get some real life things in order.

I'm not fully back...yet...still not where I can give my neighbors the attention I'd like to give again, but I wanted to share another parenting win with you.

In the 2 years I've been on hiatus, Teen Diva has become a senior. Not sure how that happened, but there you have it. However, she still looks & acts like a middle schooler. That part is frustrating. The acting like one. The fact that she still looks so young will serve her well later in life. But I want to get back to the actions.

Remember back when I had be HOSTAGE TAKER OF ELECTRONICS? Well that hasn't really let up. We can't trust her with her electronics - still.

* Lately, Hubsy has hidden her electronics in one of the drawers of his dresser. It was working pretty well. Then one morning, recently, I busted her with her iPod. I took it & hid it in one of my drawers. And she had a harder grounding with her phone.

* Then I woke her up one morning while she had her laptop with her. BUSTED! Took it & placed it back in Hubsy's drawer & discovered she wasn't supposed to have it. D'oh! More phone grounding.

* When she came home from school the other day, I figured out she was listening to music on something. When I asked what it was, she sighed heavily & handed over her iPod. Hmmm...

* Yesterday morning, I woke her up to having her e-reader AND her phone! Totally Busted! Not supposed to have either.

You see, she'd been rummaging through all of our things to find her stuff & sneak it back. So I hid it ALL in a place where she'd have to work to get to it.

Before I continue, I want to point out that Hubsy & I love to gross out our kids. You know...mushy/gushy sayings of love to each other, big sloppy kisses & fake make-out sessions in front of the kids. It's so much fun to see their faces, watch them twitch & contort, and then to hear the things they say! So entertaining!

Then I got an idea.
An awful idea.
I got an wonderful, awful idea!

See, I have this drawer. Most of you may have one of these. It's not a junk drawer, but instead holds...uh..."special things." You know what I'm sayin'? *wink, wink* 
Some drawers hold pretty, silky, satiny, lacy things;
some drawers hold batteries & leather things;
some drawers hold "literature";
some drawers hold "action" movies;
some drawers hold any combo of the above

No matter, usually it's fun for the grownups to get that moment to rummage through those drawers.

I'm not going to say what is in my special drawer, but I told Hubsy that I plan on moving Teen Diva's electronics into that drawer. So, we she goes rummaging through our things to take back these things...I would love to see her face when she finds that drawer! It will be an glorious & hilarious day!

See? More good parenting at it's finest.