Thursday, April 17, 2014

Making Mountains Out of Mole Hills

I did something today. Something I should have done a long time ago.

After BOO & BEA ESCAPED not too long ago, and I got a couple cards in the mail to Vicky's Hideout, I needed to find a new brassiere accommodation system of prison pods for the girls.

A few years ago, Oprah had a mass bra fitting at her studio with the females of her audience. They came out all confused about their new size! Smaller widths & bigger cups were getting them all excited! But I thought I knew mine. And since I had the means, I thought I'd make it official.

So, for the first time ever, I got the twins measured.

Now I need you to understand that, in the days of development, I probably did not really need a bra. I could have put Scotch tape over my peaks & it would have been fine. And I've always dealt with a midsize portion ideal for a long time.

However, I have now discovered why the girls were trying to bust out. They were not comfortable in their accommodations.

As the adorable 20-something girl quickly strangulated the twins with her tape measure, she dashed out of the fitting room proclaiming that I was needed a WAY different size than I had EVER thought I'd ever hear!

Teen Diva had expanded my ribcage when I was pregnant with her. Not the funnest game of hide-&-go-seek ever. So it expanded my rib area a bit. However, the undercarriage of the twins' hammocks were actually the size I might have been in high school. Now, let's discuss the hammock size.

I have never paid mind to the big-boob-girl problems. I know females with big boobs. I had a friend wish she could be a donor for me. Seriously.

So imagine my shock when the girl hammocks should be the size of big boob problems!! My eyes popped out of my head & I started laughing. The poor Vicky's girl couldn't figure out why I was cackling as she was handing me a pile of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders & running through the types very quickly. She may have wanted to get out of the dressing room while she had a chance. She was probably also thinking the walls in that one should be padded like a push up to contain the mad woman she was leaving in there.

Imagine my shock when those chest slings actually fit! I giggled the whole time.

I do think, however, I scared off the poor bra girl. She ran away quickly & another stepped into her place. I'm not sure the new 20-something girl was warned about the mad woman in the push-up padded dressing cell. I figured out what would work for my magical new boobs & told her I found something. She asked if the fit worked - well, I started cackling again! I think SHE needed to put her eyes back into her head. She kept telling me that "size didn't matter" & the whole thing about "as long as it's a good fit" spiel.

I, then, realized she had no idea that I had walked into Vicky's that day with pretty mediocre mole hills, and walked out of there with MOUNTAINS!

Boo & Bea are, in fact, a documented mountain range. Kind of reminded me of Mt. Rainier:
You have no idea it's there most of the time. But then - one day - BAM! Mountain!

I told Hubsy about it. We were confused & amused by my magical new boobs.

Darn it! I should have waited until our anniversary to tell him! He would have thought I got him a mountain range as a gift!

Oh - and they may have this mad woman's mug posted behind the counter at Vicky's. I'm sure they want to brace themselves & have counselors on hand.

On the bright side, Boo & Bea should be thrilled with their new mountain peak covers.

And I'm going to research big boob problems. Apparently I have them.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Please Don't Tap the Glass

Words can hurt. Especially when ugly opinions, full of lies, of you come back to you. Much like a dysfunctional boomerang that didn't quite make it back to the original thrower.

I try not to get into it too much here, but my family does tend to live in a bit of a fishbowl. We forget that sometimes. We swim around in our lives, minding our own business - then, BAM! It turns out there's eyes on us from everywhere, judging what we do.

Hubsy is the boss of a particular business branch. He has the say in what happens in his part of this business. There are higher ups not at this location, but for the most part - the buck stops with him.

In that mix, the kids & I are looked a lot, too. Even if we do our own thing, the clientele & some staff want us to show up to what they want us to. They want us to act like they want us to. Hubsy reminds them often of our individual personalities & talents - but we are expected to swim through hoops that we don't want to swim through.

The fish you see in that aquarium (whether it's yours, the one at the doctor's office, or the one at the restaurant) came from somewhere else. Those fish have been put there to entertain you. Those fish just want to go about their business, make their own friends, find their own place. Maybe the fake shipwreck isn't their favorite place. Maybe the fish really likes the fake coral reef. Don't expect the fish to go over to the boat for YOUR entertainment.

You start tapping the glass to see if you can get the fish to do what you want; coerce it to try to go where you want it to - because that's what YOU want to see.

The fish is trying to be happy settled in the plastic coral, but is quickly becoming agitated by tapping on the glass. Then, the watcher complains that the fish isn't doing anything, and then thinks the fish should be removed from the tank & either flushed or sent to another aquarium somewhere else.

I'm in that aquarium. So is my family. And we are being watched. Often. Or we are not being watched & listen to people assume we are not doing what they want us to do.

We are not here for other's entertainment. You can train me as well as you can train a fish.

So, just know that if you get a fish - enjoy the fish for what it is. Let it do it's thing. Just because you want the fish do swim in circles or swim through the boat, don't get upset if the fish just enjoys sitting in the plastic reef. Don't tap the glass thinking you are going to make it do something else. Would you really just flush it or send it to an aquarium or fishbowl somewhere else?

I'm not on a pedestal & I'm not here to entertain you. I'm here to use my talents & gifts the way I am called to do. OK, maybe it is to entertain you, but on my terms - not yours.

Think about that with celebrities, too. We look into their fishbowl lives & then tap on the glass when they don't entertain us the way we want them to.

So, I'm just asking right now:

Either come in & swim with us, or just walk away. Nothing for you here.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Mama Really Does Know Best

It is crazy to believe that Teen Diva is in her last few weeks of high school. Where does the time go?

The current event focus is prom. PROM!! Supposedly the best night of your entire high school career! (Next to every homecoming dance, or graduation, or whatever. Prom.)

It's the night you look like a princess (hopefully), and you have the best date EVER, and he's like totally your boyfriend, and, like, totally the man of your dreams...and he's gonna be a perfect gentleman, and he's gonna buy you dinner & the ridiculously priced tickets, and a limo waiting with a perfect corsage. *SIGH*

But then what happens when he's not quite the gentleman? Oh, this could go several ways. I'll let your brain take one of those trails on it's own.

But I have come up with a plan as only a mama could!

My daughter will get to go to prom, look like a princess, feel like a princess, have fun, have a date, not get her heart broken, and will not have to worry about after-date pressure!

Are you ready to hear this tip?

Before I give you the tip, let me give you the date story first. You'll see where I'm going with this:

Teen Diva has this guy "friend". We are gonna call him "Lanky". Teen Diva & Lanky have this "complicated" relationship...probably the kind that Facebook means in that option of a relationship status. It's like an open flirtationship, but they are like an old married couple, too. It's like they are Will & Grace, but Lanky is more straight than Will. Maybe they are a little more like Beca & Jesse from 'Pitch Perfect.' You know - that whole "whatever this is" kind of relationship. It makes us crazy!

Will & Grace                      Jesse & Beca

However, last year, he sweetly asked Teen Diva to his prom (as they attend different schools) in, what has been dubbed, a "promposal." Don't even get me started on these! But this one was not done in some crazy and over-the-top fashion. It was very personal, didn't involve a crowd & wasn't recorded for some show or news team. However, she had to turn him down! It was the same weekend of her school play, which she had a very large role in. He seemed to understand (he's a theater kid, too), but she was heartbroken. We totally understood.

When this year came around, Lanky told Teen Diva he wanted to take her to her prom & with the same promposal as last year. Don't worry - Teen Diva loved just as much. So when they began to plan it out, it turned out his prom was on the same night as hers. And? He'd already promised someone he was going with them to HIS prom. Teen Diva was disappointed, but not upset. We were confused.

Here we were - all excited she was going to have a date to prom (because she never had a date to any homecoming dance), and then...BOOM!
I like Lanky OK, but he's kind of weird. And he has a thing for my daughter, but he keeps getting other girlfriends. Don't get me wrong - Teen Diva does the same with him, but they are not helping each other. So, not sure how I would trust this guy taking my kid to prom anyway.

No matter, Teen Diva decided she would go with her very good friend, "Clone Diva". Clone Diva is almost just like Teen Diva, they just don't look alike. But, WOW, do they ever act alike!
So Teen Diva & Clone Diva were just going to stag, but as each other's dates. WAH-Wah-waaahh...(that's a sad trombone playing)

Clone Diva's mom got the girls a limo to go in. That's pretty awesome. Teen Diva is narrowing down a dress. Clone Diva already has a dress, and was trying to get Teen Diva to have a dress almost just like hers! Uh - that won't happen. But it came to light that Clone Diva was going to her former school's prom with a good guy friend of hers. So, I got thinking.

Teen Diva has a really good childhood guy friend that she keeps in contact with. They don't get to see each other very often since they are at different schools now, but they are always entertaining when they are together. I had always thought that they should get married later in life! He is a theater kid, too. His dad is a big local actor. So we are going to call this friend "Performance Guy".

I decided to try to convince Teen Diva to track down Performance Guy & see if he would be her date. She laughed at the idea, but then decided she would check with him. So she had an impromptu promposal text conversation:

          TD: Hey! What do you have going on [date of prom]?

          PG: I don't think I have anything going on. Why? What's up?

          TD: How would you like to hang out with me for about 4 hours 
while wearing a tux?

          PG: SURE! I would love to!

          TD: You do know I'm talking about prom, right?

          PG: I figured!

It was a resounding "YES"!! And they are planning out how they are going to look.

Teen Diva just wanted to look like a Disney princess for her senior prom. We could not afford the ball gowns she truly wanted. Sad, I know. I do wish we could have done the Cinderella-looking dress that looked amazing on her. But we had her looking at other dresses, too - just in case. She tried on a mermaid-style dress. It's a turquoisey-tealy green kind of color. It looked awesome on her! And, I did remind her that it looked very Ariel. She is a lot like Ariel in a whole lot of ways. Well, except for that swimming underwater thing - but personality, looks, etc. Yeah - that.

So I was helping her imagine if she had a prom style that was Ariel inspired. It would still be very Disney princess! But then I got her thinking that if she took Performance Guy as her date - he could have his style look like...


Yes - not Eric, but Flounder.

Image of Ariel & Flounder via superwolfqueen21 at deviantART HERE

This would be a totally plutonic date. Performance Guy would totally be Teen Diva's sidekick! Right?

When Performance Guy asked Teen Diva her dress color & wanted to know what he should wear to match, she hesitantly brought up the idea of Ariel & Flounder. He LOVED it & was right on what he might be wearing to escort her! She is delighted!

So, Clone Diva is taking her guy friend & Teen Diva is going with Performance Guy. A double prom date in a limo. It will be held at a beloved stadium in our area. So exciting!

Oh, and I'm so glad she's taking Performance Guy! We know we have nothing to worry about. How do I know this? He is not interested in getting her out of her dress.

Oh wait - did I forget to mention this? He's gay.

Since I know there's no chance of her marrying him, he can at least be her plutonic prom date! He's already making sure she's gonna look fabulous, and he's all in on the Disney theme.

I am so excited for her! And, you know what? They are going to have so much more fun!

No pressure.
No heartbreaks.
Just fabulous fun!

If you're concerned about your daughter going to prom (or homecoming) with a date, just hope she has a really good guy friend who is gay! Have your daughter go with him.

This will be Teen Diva & Performance Guy at prom!

See? Mama knows what she's talking about. Teen Diva is excited & horrified at this revelation.

Oh, and Teen Diva totally has her own Will (Performance Guy) and Jesse (Lanky). So glad she's going with her Will!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

So Happy It's Gone

I'm in such a Christmas spirit mood right now! RIGHT NOW!!!

It may be for a very wrong reason - but it's good one. I swear!

Do you remember when I had hoped for a white elephant exchange? If not, you need to find out why I needed one so badly HERE! It will make more sense when you actually see it.

It's taken a long time, neighbors. But it finally happened.

Ladies & gentlemen: Seashell Crucifix Bleeding Jesus with the Super Glued Arm is officially GONE!!!


I know, right?

While we were hosting a bi-monthly group at our house, Hubsy decided that our holiday gathering would include a white elephant gift exchange. I rejoiced in that moment. Why? Because, at that very second, I knew what Hubsy's PWE would be! And I couldn't wait!

Can you imagine the horror on the face of the recipient? Yes. It was priceless.

But, the real shocker came when the last person to be able to steal anything actually STOLE the seashell Jesus!!!


I know, right?

The reason was even funnier:
They had another white elephant exchange coming up & knew this was the PWE that would work!

Something even funnier? Someone was rather entertained by my PWE: the singing hamster!

So, a whole TWO of the long-time-comin' PWE's that I'd hoped to get rid of are GONE! BOOM!


I need a tissue. I know it's a tear from my tear duct & not the bleeding coming from it when I would have to gaze upon the hideousness of Seashell Jesus! It's a beautiful thing...

Merry Christmas to me!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

When The Girls Want to be Exhibitionists

I mean, really.


Of all times for this to possibly happen, they should not feel the need to wave at everyone & think about entertaining. I mean, really.

Hubsy & I were doing our weekly shopping. Yes, we do this together. It's part of our weekly "date day" while the kids are in school. And we do it at Walmart. Oh - I sense some of you cringing. I can also sense the wanting to get on your "shame-on-you" soapbox. But guess what! It works for us. And we need a lot of stuff. And we save money. That's our biggest deal right now.

But I digress - because the point is we were shopping at Walmart. And I mean a lot of shopping!

Since it's our usual togetherness outing, I try to treat it like a date & try to look decent. This outing had me sporting some red jeggings, a white button-up tunic blouse, a gray cardigan, and a big-and-beautiful deep yellow scarf. Got it in your head? Good. Let's continue...

I have had the blouse for years. It's got an interesting cut, quarter length French cuffs, and an interesting texture to it. But I go a long time between wearing it. Why? Because I forget something about this top. But I'll get to that in a moment.

We strolled through the health/beauty section, and then some of the Christmas layout, and then passed the toys, and then onto some home wares, and electronics, and then pet food, and then smelly good room smells, then to the paper goods - you get the idea.

When we headed into the grocery part of our grocery shopping, I could feel a tickle from my scarf that I wasn't prepared for. Oh, good grief! My top button on the blouse was undone!
So I buttoned it back "discretely", and carried on with my portion of the shopping.

See, Hubsy & I have shopping "zones". I get a particular few things, he gets a particular things, we rendezvous in an aisle & then continue shopping together as we continue tag teaming the shopping trip. I works pretty well for us!

Well, as I was continuing with my portion of the grocery shopping (before the rendezvous point), it seemed a bit breezy. I did notice that I was getting several stares of attention by my bold choice in outfit! And then...after a while I began to realize that, " eyes are up here!" Oh no. That top button had gone renegade again! I fixed it as quickly as I could again. And when my hubby came back, he saw me messing with my outfit awkwardly. I told him I was having issues with my upper portion. He kind of rolled his eyes & laughed. That was until I got that scarf tickle again. I began to realize that The Girls, Boo & Bea, had decided this was the day to become exhibitionists. They tried to break free from their brassiere accommodations (aka - prison pods) and wanted to be social at Walmart. They did so by busting another button hole wide open!

As I turned to try to quickly rectify the situation, Hubsy's eyes nearly popped out of his head! I informed him that Boo & Bea may have entertained a few folks along the way, and possibly made some friends. He just figured he did a killer mind trick. He's such a dude sometimes!

Here's the deal: Boo & Bea are not large. Heck, they got up to the modest size they are by me having kids! I'm well endowed compared to what I used to be, but it's nothing to go bragging about. So the fact that they were trying to find the weakness in the blouse tent to freedom is frightening to me!

Oh yes, the twins put on quite a show.
At Walmart.

And so I stopped & buttoned the top 2 buttons of the cardigan to block any of their possible future view! You know what? It worked! Boo & Bea went to sleep after that.

I guess The Girls want to be exhibitionists. Sorry to the guys, but we need to put an end to that pretty quick. I believe this is why I quit wearing this blouse so much.

Oh, by the way, Boo & Bea wanted me to tell you all hello.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Villainess in the LBD

Believe it or not, people really do like me. I swear!

But if you start questioning some of my immediate family, you'll get a much different story ---

I have had a lot of parenting issues with Teen Diva & Woogie due to some "help" from Peeping Mom years ago. Very grateful for having her help in the early stages of me being a working mom AND a brand new mom, however - it had hidden challenges. Little did we know that she was undermining our authority so often. And it was all in an effort to "help." Now there are challenges, still, in having them see me as a parent. It's hard.

It's interesting, though - they only question my parenting & not necessarily those of Hubsy. But then I figured out why:
See, Hubsy is the golden child of his side. *gag* He can do no wrong. It frustrates his siblings, for sure! I am the second marriage for him. Trying to be chivalrous the 1st time around, he married this other woman because he got her pregnant & thought is was the right thing to do. But it proved challenging since he didn't love her (and probably vice versa), but they had this kid to raise. So, after their divorce, Queen MILly was helping to "raise" my stepdaughter. And in the mess of everything, since I wasn't "the mom", I was not viewed very well. Not that the actual mom was either, but I wasn't the biological mom, and I'm stealing the golden child, so I was not exactly looked well upon. However, I was told I need to step up the "mom-role" with the girl, but when I did, I was being over bearing & told I shouldn't do that; on the flip-side, when I backed off, I wasn't doing enough & I should do more. Obviously, a no-win situation. So she was always told by Queen MILly to listen to either her, her father, or bio mom. I was often shoved aside.

Fast forward to me having my older two, Hubsy's side would tell Teen Diva & Woogie to only ask him or talk to him. I was never included in their view of authority. Frustrating. And it was hard!

Now, on both sides of the coin, there are game-players. You know the ones: anyone who just uses those close to them as game/chess pieces to help them get what they want. Yeah, them. And I don't play those games [anymore]. Because I have figured out that I don't want to be another pawn, I am not a game-player.

I have figured out that I will not compromise who I am or how I act based on how someone else wants me to act just to make THEM happy or feel more superior. I ain't here to kiss rings, feet, or to kneel or bow to anyone. They don't have to like it, but I won't lower myself to levels like that.

It's because I refuse to be a pawn in so many games that I am really viewed as a villainess on both sides of the family.

So imagine when a lot of it culminated when I found out the family alliances going on with both sides of the family against me. And when much of it appeared under 1 roof at the same time! Well, it happened.

I'd seen the ugly from both sides & have pointed out to them before. When one side is mad at me because they don't care, but I should cater to them anyway, to the other side who thinks they care too much & it has actually shoved me aside "out of love" - well, it doesn't end well. And when I don't want to talk about it since I know the friction it will bring, I'm awful for that, too.

Do I realize I'm the common denominator in this? Yep, I sure do. However, it's not like I'm being vilified for a particular quirk. It's literally because I won't bow or cater to several people at once in two totally different family situations.

And, there I was at a family wedding, standing in a little black dress,  being told by one side that I can either just be coordinator or just sit in the masses as a guest while the other side shows up seeing what my reaction would be to being so fully undermined it's ridiculous. And, there I was able to tell people what to do & where to go (take that as you will), in my beautiful Isaac Mizrahi cocktail dress, and able to see that I don't fit in with any part of the family that doesn't live under my roof.

While all of this was building up, I have been confiding in a good friend who is very much like me. She has also dealt in many of the same things I have within her family. Then she gave me a bit of advice that made total sense. She asked me,
"Do you know why you are viewed the way you are & you are used as the shared scapegoat? It's because you are a strong personality, like me, and they don't know how to deal with our strength of character."
Whoa. That was deep. And the more I thought about it, the truer it sounded.

There are several traumatic things that have happened to me over the years, and most of them have come from & because of the 2 alliances. And when I bring up those traumatic things to remind them where that part of the relationships were "shaped" from (or made it more broken), I'm told to get over it. These situations were very bad. very, Very, VERY bad. And I believe it's even worse when both sides of these alliances don't think that what was done & my being thrown under the bus should be considered a big deal.

I am using images of Sarah Ferguson for this post. She is a strong & fabulous redhead that was vilified by the Royal Family. She was shunned & dissed for some things. Now she didn't make the best of choices, don't get me wrong, but I understand the way she was treated.

You must understand that, when you have to stand up for yourself & try to defend or protect your family from the vileness that has been thrown at you, it will look like this:

Yes - all of these reactions happen when I stand up for myself & protect/defend my family. I look like a crazed woman. But I don't back down off of my stance. 

When there are these "family folk" who try to tout having such strong family values, these are the same ones who have screwed me over in a whole lot of ways. You shouldn't bully family & think it's OK. But they do.

So I've decided to join ranks with some of the most amazing & recognizable women:

And I will be fabulous in my role of the villainess.

I am the redheaded black sheep of the family, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.

And may God help the souls who get yanked into & become lost in "The Game".

Thursday, October 3, 2013

What is That Stink? Oh, Never Mind.

As I was strolling through Pinterest the other day, I came across a Youtube video that caught my eye.

So, I did what anyone would do & risk my computer to click on the link. Well, I had to watch John Barrowman dancing to "Single Ladies"! Wouldn't you want to click on that? BOOM! Who wouldn't?

Anyhoo - I brought it up, and the most annoying Youtube habit occurred.

You know the one.

That ridiculous habit of showing some advertisement before hand. UGH! But they usually have the option to "Skip Ad" after about 5 seconds or so into it.

However, about 2 seconds into this particular ad, I couldn't bring myself to skip it. I watched the entirety of the 2+ minute commercial for something that I was so horrified, shocked & tickled at. I was laughing so hard in shock & awe in what I was looking at. I couldn't stop. I was so disgusted & entertained at the same time!

Well - let me take this moment to share the masterpiece with you. It's in a Youtube video all by itself:

Yes. This is for a really-real, truly-true product. And the reviews of the product are nearly as entertaining as the commercial, itself. My sides hurt from laughing so hard. (read the reviews HERE)

So, in case you just need to hide the fact that everybody poops, no worries. Poo-Pourri has your hiney covered.

You can check out the Poo-Pourri site, HERE, to see which delightful scent you want folks to believe you leave behind. <<< partial pun intended

I bet you can now sleep better knowing this exists & we can all use the lou in sweet-smelling harmony now.

It will save friendships, marriages & lives. I'm sure of it. And the fact that an adorable redhead is calmly telling you about her issues, while wearing one of the cutest dresses I've ever seen, probably doesn't hurt this fact, either.

And, yes. I'm actually tempted to try it. If so, I'll let you know how delightful it is to know that obviously nobody in my house has the stinkies.

You. Are. Welcome.

Oh, by the way, I was way more entertained by this 2 minute commercial than the 44 second fan video of Barrowman "dancing" to Beyonce'. Just for the record.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Parenting Win From the Naughty Side

Hello, Neighbors!

Yes, it's been almost 2 years since I've been around the neighborhood. Actually I moved into the neighborhood just over 2 years ago before needing to get some real life things in order.

I'm not fully back...yet...still not where I can give my neighbors the attention I'd like to give again, but I wanted to share another parenting win with you.

In the 2 years I've been on hiatus, Teen Diva has become a senior. Not sure how that happened, but there you have it. However, she still looks & acts like a middle schooler. That part is frustrating. The acting like one. The fact that she still looks so young will serve her well later in life. But I want to get back to the actions.

Remember back when I had be HOSTAGE TAKER OF ELECTRONICS? Well that hasn't really let up. We can't trust her with her electronics - still.

* Lately, Hubsy has hidden her electronics in one of the drawers of his dresser. It was working pretty well. Then one morning, recently, I busted her with her iPod. I took it & hid it in one of my drawers. And she had a harder grounding with her phone.

* Then I woke her up one morning while she had her laptop with her. BUSTED! Took it & placed it back in Hubsy's drawer & discovered she wasn't supposed to have it. D'oh! More phone grounding.

* When she came home from school the other day, I figured out she was listening to music on something. When I asked what it was, she sighed heavily & handed over her iPod. Hmmm...

* Yesterday morning, I woke her up to having her e-reader AND her phone! Totally Busted! Not supposed to have either.

You see, she'd been rummaging through all of our things to find her stuff & sneak it back. So I hid it ALL in a place where she'd have to work to get to it.

Before I continue, I want to point out that Hubsy & I love to gross out our kids. You know...mushy/gushy sayings of love to each other, big sloppy kisses & fake make-out sessions in front of the kids. It's so much fun to see their faces, watch them twitch & contort, and then to hear the things they say! So entertaining!

Then I got an idea.
An awful idea.
I got an wonderful, awful idea!

See, I have this drawer. Most of you may have one of these. It's not a junk drawer, but instead holds...uh..."special things." You know what I'm sayin'? *wink, wink* 
Some drawers hold pretty, silky, satiny, lacy things;
some drawers hold batteries & leather things;
some drawers hold "literature";
some drawers hold "action" movies;
some drawers hold any combo of the above

No matter, usually it's fun for the grownups to get that moment to rummage through those drawers.

I'm not going to say what is in my special drawer, but I told Hubsy that I plan on moving Teen Diva's electronics into that drawer. So, we she goes rummaging through our things to take back these things...I would love to see her face when she finds that drawer! It will be an glorious & hilarious day!

See? More good parenting at it's finest.

Monday, November 7, 2011

DOORMAT Duties Can Be OK

So, it's Monday. Most of you know that means one thing for sure: DOORMAT Duties! And a thing that goes along with this weekly occurrence is trying to get victory over my arch nemesis, DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! So here's how it went down today.

Instead of being asked to help DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh with her crazy copying methods (she beat me in there today), I was asked to make other copies. Good! However, I had to set her straight on how many of HER copies I actually needed since we were always coming up short. So I made sure mine would be COVERED! Funny: only one pile of copies was set up in the way I showed her. And she was still using the machinery wrong. But I dealt with it as I was slightly defeated this week - but still got a bit of victory at the same time.

I will let you in on what I mostly do with my DOORMAT duties when I go in on Mondays. I try to help 1st graders become better readers. That's right - a bring 22 kids out of the classroom, one at a time, to check their reading fluency & record it. DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh relies on stickers to give the kids - sadly I think it's because she has a scary & in-your-face personality. I just get the kids excited about it. And the kids love to show me how well they can read this week!

Now besides DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh, there's also an experienced grandmother who comes to help out, too. I get the feeling that Granny is also tired of DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh & her antics. But I noticed that the school has a few park-type benches in the hallways, but DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh & Granny already had the 2 benches in our hallway. So I just camped out & set up my station on the floor outside Bossyhead's classroom. Well - I got an accommodations upgrade today! Was it a park-type bench? Nope! I am now getting to use a makeshift classroom down the hallway! OK, stick with me on this one - it's in a glorified janitor's closet. Really - but they set up an area for a tutoring or help area. There's a nice u-shaped table & chairs - and they are nice! They sit upon a really cute little school rug. And it was offered to ME! Bwah-hahahaha!!

The kids seemed to do much better over all, too. And It's my place for a couple of hours! And those kids are funny! I wished it was a room that had one of those 'Kids Say the Darndest Things' kind of camera. I was asking them about their Halloween & if they ate all their candy. They were cracking me up! It was actually a bit of a bright spot.

And now an inspirational moment: There is a kindergardener at Bossyhead's school who has Down's Syndrome & needs a lot of help. But she is so sweet & so adorable. She loves seeing me on Mondays & saying hi. I always have something in my hair - generally a flower of sorts. She always loves my flowers & has to point them out. I got to see her twice today & she couldn't wait to say hi to me both times. It warms my heart. So I want to make it known that I love people with Down's Syndrome. They have an innocence on life & know nothing but love. All that I have met & known have been so full of life & love. If I EVER hear of someone making fun of one or any of them - I will go white-girl crazy on you & may punch someone in the face. That is your warning. We all can learn from these people with a condition they cannot help. We all need their beautiful spirits.

That was my day! The best DOORMAT duty day so far! It makes me OK with dealing with the craziness of DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh!
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I Love My Family, I Love My Family, I Love My Fam...(and a Personal Victory)

So let me take a moment to share some of my chaos lately. And it is chaotic - so grab a drink & sit back.

Last weekend, Bossyhead had a soccer game about 30 minutes away. It was in a neighboring community of my hometown. My hometown is where ALL of our immediate family lives. So they were thrilled that they didn't have to make the weekly 30 minute drive themselves. AND - when they find out we are heading out their direction - EVERYONE wants to see us! It becomes a long day.

Well, it was on a Sunday. We had church, then we got to eat lunch & find enough time to get ourselves ready for the game. We head out to the game and have to deal with MIL getting lost, so BIL had to drive her. So another family member. But, remember - I like him. Just don't tell him, it might go to his head. My folks were there, too. Well, after the soccer game, we were invited to go over my parents' house to take in the late afternoon football game on TV. So we agreed, then left a little early after our team put a whomping on our rivals! So we headed over to see my homebound grandmother for a little bit. That's hard to deal with sometimes, but it was a good visit & needed to happen. But we couldn't stay long since we needed to go over & see the inlaws. I was not looking forward to this visit. Because MIL had been dying for us to come over for weeks to show off their remote control Santa they got from their garage saleing. Well, we saw it. All hubsy & I could do was just shake our heads. MIL was over-giddy about it. And keep in mind that they have kept that Santa in their kitchen/living room area so we could see it. It's been there for about 3 weeks. Geesh. At this point I had a migraine setting in - any idea why? And then they all forgot & kept yelling at each other to 'come here' & then pull the 'OOPS - I forgot' thing when they realize how bad I hurt. *sigh* Remember? It's Sunday! Now it's a school night - and it IS night by this point. We are still 30 minutes from home & still need to get the kids cleaned up & in bed. Right? WRONG! My inlaws were getting new furniture & so ALL of their living room & dining room furniture were going over to my BIL's. He can't find anyone with a truck on such short notice - so - since hubsy has a truck, guess what that meant! *sigh* So they all load up the furniture to take another 15 minute drive to unload at BIL's. And I hurt. We finally got home late, but got the kids cleaned up & in bed after an overly exhausting day. Turned into a total omelette!

Then, of course the next day is Monday: DOORMAT duties & having to deal with DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh. Well, when I got to Bossyhead's school, they weren't doing what I help with each week since it was a shortened school week. So? No having to deal with DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! YAY! Wait - short school week? *sigh*

We also dealt with parent-teacher conference (only for Bossyhead) and dealing with Woogie's birthday. I can't be old enough to have a 14 yr old! Not possible! But we'd been trying to figure out how to work having a get-together for his birthday, which is mostly with family. Of course.

Well, Bossyhead had his last game this past weekend, here on our home turf. So the family came out to watch (my mom & dad, , the inlaws, BIL, PLUS hubsy's aunt, uncle & cousin who happen to be in town). Now, when there's a game going of a kid your supporting, I would think you would pay attention. Only hubsy, peeping mom & I were the ones paying attention as needed. EVERYONE else was starting conversations & acted like they were the only ones there. SERIOUSLY! When a game is going & you come up to ask me how the movie way, I will walk away from you. Just for future reference. Oh, and it's not the time to talk about politics, talk horribly about people who are dead, and/or how everything should be about you. Oh, and I know you want to tell the kid you're supporting they are doing a great job, but just because he takes a break on the bench doesn't give you the right to just walk over & start a conversation with them. WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE GAME! That's all I'm saying. And yes, that's what we were dealing with. Oh, and don't put pressure on the kid you're watching to score a goal & make sure the team wins just for YOUR bragging rights.

Then, after the game, we all were going to head over to our house for a cookout to celebrate Woogie's bday. I made a swirl cake, but have no decorating skills for a cake. That's my mom's territory, but Woogie wanted me to do it. Of course. So I had to fake all the baking plus made extra cupcakes, too. I did all the baking BEFORE the game & knew I'd have to decorate while the WHOLE family was there. SURPRISE! This included everyone at the game PLUS: my brother, grandma (yay!), SIL & hubby + girls, and with the addition of Teen Diva's new boyfriend. Whew!

So now I have MIL whining because I didn't make cupcakes SHE wanted! Um - I think she forgets it's not HER party. Then she eventually begins to tell EVERYONE (loudly) about the bachelor & bachelorette parties at strip clubs that hubsy's aunt & uncle went to a year & a half ago AND started talking about stripper names & lap dances. Um - in front of the kids. When we told her to shut up, she just started loudly whispering the rest of her thought. Then when we tell her to shut up AGAIN (reminding her about her grandchildren), she gives it a break for about 2 minutes & starts in on it again. Ugh & ew! Peeping mom is standing around in the kitchen watching my decorating failures & wanting to help. But I can DO this!! So I try & the cake turned out crazy, messy, cool! She admitted she was impressed. And I made my own icing - which mom approves of! YAY! Oh, and MIL & the aunt devoured the 3 leftover pieces of birthday cookie cake that Woogie was hoping to hold onto to have at another time. But they were hungry & couldn't wait for the grilling, so they gobbled it up & MIL wanted to know about licking the beaters from the cake batter. I can't make this stuff up, people. Then Goober (belongs to MIL - the yang to her yang), is all heart but just needs to sit in a corner. He wants to help & is a lot of talkin' about stuff he actually doesn't get. Have I ever mentioned how the inlaws need a 24/7 chaperone or assisted living? Just wondering - it's because they do! Meeting the boyfriend was OK. He seemed nice enough & they were cute together even though he is about 3 of her (she's super petite with a tiny & he was very tall with a bigger frame). But he was prepared to meet the lunatics (because that's how Teen Diva described the whole family - nice). We had to deal with MIL wanting to know when we were doing the cake so she could eat 4 of my cupcakes. Geesh!

When it came time for gifts, Woogie got a few new shirts & a couple of jackets. MIL was just announcing & gushing about how 'pretty' was going to look going back to school on Monday. Ugh. My poor son. And when it was time for all to depart, the inlaws think they are in so good with my grandma. She thinks they are immature & need to grow up! HA!! So do the rest of us.

FINALLY when everyone left, we just had the boyfriend hanging around. His mom brought him was going to pick him up late. That's fine - let's get to know him! But when it came time for him to be picked up - he just left. Teen Diva walked him out, but he said nothing to us. *RED FLAG*

Well, on Sunday, Teen Diva got to sing a little bit of a solo EARLY with the 'old people choir'. Very proud of her! And one of the girls she's having teen drama with had to sit there & watch & listen. HA! Well, during another service (our normal one), Teen Diva got a text message from the boyfriend. Not a good one either. It was a BREAKUP TEXT!! Because he doesn't drive & they wouldn't get to hang out much. WHAT?? For being such a big guy, he was certainly a weenie! But Teen Diva may have another guy in the wings; one she already had a thing for but didn't think she had any chance with. Well, there might be now. I told her to change her focus since this pig isn't worth her hormonal emotions! But, in diva-fashion, I think she's milking it for all it's worth.


Then yesterday came around - Monday. This would mean? DOORMAT duties (with the SUCKER hat). And I was putting my guard up for DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! When I showed up, the copies had not even been made yet - so I went to check on them ---- and my arch nemesis had not shown up yet. So - I took the copies & RAN to the copy room. So that meant I was in charge this time!! Eventually, DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh came blowing in like a tumbleweed & I told her what she needed to do & how to do it! Guess what? We were organized & got done faster. Go figure. VICTORY IS MINE!!!

So, also had Halloween - I did extra DOORMAT duties at Bossyhead's school as I got roped into helping with the party. Apparently my 'NO' button was broken when I got asked. But that was fun & I got to take Bossyhead home early! Worked out great! Had to put up Halloween decor for the Trick or Treaters, get my costume on, help the kids with their costumes, set out the candy, eat dinner, and attempt to watch Monday Night Football. What a night!I do love Halloween!

So, my friends, that's what I've been up to. I think you're mostly caught up!
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