Thursday, April 17, 2014

Making Mountains Out of Mole Hills

I did something today. Something I should have done a long time ago.

After BOO & BEA ESCAPED not too long ago, and I got a couple cards in the mail to Vicky's Hideout, I needed to find a new brassiere accommodation system of prison pods for the girls.

A few years ago, Oprah had a mass bra fitting at her studio with the females of her audience. They came out all confused about their new size! Smaller widths & bigger cups were getting them all excited! But I thought I knew mine. And since I had the means, I thought I'd make it official.

So, for the first time ever, I got the twins measured.

Now I need you to understand that, in the days of development, I probably did not really need a bra. I could have put Scotch tape over my peaks & it would have been fine. And I've always dealt with a midsize portion ideal for a long time.

However, I have now discovered why the girls were trying to bust out. They were not comfortable in their accommodations.

As the adorable 20-something girl quickly strangulated the twins with her tape measure, she dashed out of the fitting room proclaiming that I was needed a WAY different size than I had EVER thought I'd ever hear!

Teen Diva had expanded my ribcage when I was pregnant with her. Not the funnest game of hide-&-go-seek ever. So it expanded my rib area a bit. However, the undercarriage of the twins' hammocks were actually the size I might have been in high school. Now, let's discuss the hammock size.

I have never paid mind to the big-boob-girl problems. I know females with big boobs. I had a friend wish she could be a donor for me. Seriously.

So imagine my shock when the girl hammocks should be the size of big boob problems!! My eyes popped out of my head & I started laughing. The poor Vicky's girl couldn't figure out why I was cackling as she was handing me a pile of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders & running through the types very quickly. She may have wanted to get out of the dressing room while she had a chance. She was probably also thinking the walls in that one should be padded like a push up to contain the mad woman she was leaving in there.

Imagine my shock when those chest slings actually fit! I giggled the whole time.

I do think, however, I scared off the poor bra girl. She ran away quickly & another stepped into her place. I'm not sure the new 20-something girl was warned about the mad woman in the push-up padded dressing cell. I figured out what would work for my magical new boobs & told her I found something. She asked if the fit worked - well, I started cackling again! I think SHE needed to put her eyes back into her head. She kept telling me that "size didn't matter" & the whole thing about "as long as it's a good fit" spiel.

I, then, realized she had no idea that I had walked into Vicky's that day with pretty mediocre mole hills, and walked out of there with MOUNTAINS!

Boo & Bea are, in fact, a documented mountain range. Kind of reminded me of Mt. Rainier:
You have no idea it's there most of the time. But then - one day - BAM! Mountain!

I told Hubsy about it. We were confused & amused by my magical new boobs.

Darn it! I should have waited until our anniversary to tell him! He would have thought I got him a mountain range as a gift!

Oh - and they may have this mad woman's mug posted behind the counter at Vicky's. I'm sure they want to brace themselves & have counselors on hand.

On the bright side, Boo & Bea should be thrilled with their new mountain peak covers.

And I'm going to research big boob problems. Apparently I have them.