Making Mountains Out of Mole Hills

I did something today. Something I should have done a long time ago.

After BOO & BEA ESCAPED not too long ago, and I got a couple cards in the mail to Vicky's Hideout, I needed to find a new brassiere accommodation system of prison pods for the girls.

A few years ago, Oprah had a mass bra fitting at her studio with the females of her audience. They came out all confused about their new size! Smaller widths & bigger cups were getting them all excited! But I thought I knew mine. And since I had the means, I thought I'd make it official.

So, for the first time ever, I got the twins measured.

Now I need you to understand that, in the days of development, I probably did not really need a bra. I could have put Scotch tape over my peaks & it would have been fine. And I've always dealt with a midsize portion ideal for a long time.

However, I have now discovered why the girls were trying to bust out. They were not comfortable in their accommodations.

As the adorable 20-something girl quickly strangulated the twins with her tape measure, she dashed out of the fitting room proclaiming that I was needed a WAY different size than I had EVER thought I'd ever hear!

Teen Diva had expanded my ribcage when I was pregnant with her. Not the funnest game of hide-&-go-seek ever. So it expanded my rib area a bit. However, the undercarriage of the twins' hammocks were actually the size I might have been in high school. Now, let's discuss the hammock size.

I have never paid mind to the big-boob-girl problems. I know females with big boobs. I had a friend wish she could be a donor for me. Seriously.

So imagine my shock when the girl hammocks should be the size of big boob problems!! My eyes popped out of my head & I started laughing. The poor Vicky's girl couldn't figure out why I was cackling as she was handing me a pile of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders & running through the types very quickly. She may have wanted to get out of the dressing room while she had a chance. She was probably also thinking the walls in that one should be padded like a push up to contain the mad woman she was leaving in there.

Imagine my shock when those chest slings actually fit! I giggled the whole time.

I do think, however, I scared off the poor bra girl. She ran away quickly & another stepped into her place. I'm not sure the new 20-something girl was warned about the mad woman in the push-up padded dressing cell. I figured out what would work for my magical new boobs & told her I found something. She asked if the fit worked - well, I started cackling again! I think SHE needed to put her eyes back into her head. She kept telling me that "size didn't matter" & the whole thing about "as long as it's a good fit" spiel.

I, then, realized she had no idea that I had walked into Vicky's that day with pretty mediocre mole hills, and walked out of there with MOUNTAINS!

Boo & Bea are, in fact, a documented mountain range. Kind of reminded me of Mt. Rainier:
You have no idea it's there most of the time. But then - one day - BAM! Mountain!

I told Hubsy about it. We were confused & amused by my magical new boobs.

Darn it! I should have waited until our anniversary to tell him! He would have thought I got him a mountain range as a gift!

Oh - and they may have this mad woman's mug posted behind the counter at Vicky's. I'm sure they want to brace themselves & have counselors on hand.

On the bright side, Boo & Bea should be thrilled with their new mountain peak covers.

And I'm going to research big boob problems. Apparently I have them.

Please Don't Tap the Glass

Words can hurt. Especially when ugly opinions, full of lies, of you come back to you. Much like a dysfunctional boomerang that didn't quite make it back to the original thrower.

I try not to get into it too much here, but my family does tend to live in a bit of a fishbowl. We forget that sometimes. We swim around in our lives, minding our own business - then, BAM! It turns out there's eyes on us from everywhere, judging what we do.

Hubsy is the boss of a particular business branch. He has the say in what happens in his part of this business. There are higher ups not at this location, but for the most part - the buck stops with him.

In that mix, the kids & I are looked a lot, too. Even if we do our own thing, the clientele & some staff want us to show up to what they want us to. They want us to act like they want us to. Hubsy reminds them often of our individual personalities & talents - but we are expected to swim through hoops that we don't want to swim through.

The fish you see in that aquarium (whether it's yours, the one at the doctor's office, or the one at the restaurant) came from somewhere else. Those fish have been put there to entertain you. Those fish just want to go about their business, make their own friends, find their own place. Maybe the fake shipwreck isn't their favorite place. Maybe the fish really likes the fake coral reef. Don't expect the fish to go over to the boat for YOUR entertainment.

You start tapping the glass to see if you can get the fish to do what you want; coerce it to try to go where you want it to - because that's what YOU want to see.

The fish is trying to be happy settled in the plastic coral, but is quickly becoming agitated by tapping on the glass. Then, the watcher complains that the fish isn't doing anything, and then thinks the fish should be removed from the tank & either flushed or sent to another aquarium somewhere else.

I'm in that aquarium. So is my family. And we are being watched. Often. Or we are not being watched & listen to people assume we are not doing what they want us to do.

We are not here for other's entertainment. You can train me as well as you can train a fish.

So, just know that if you get a fish - enjoy the fish for what it is. Let it do it's thing. Just because you want the fish do swim in circles or swim through the boat, don't get upset if the fish just enjoys sitting in the plastic reef. Don't tap the glass thinking you are going to make it do something else. Would you really just flush it or send it to an aquarium or fishbowl somewhere else?

I'm not on a pedestal & I'm not here to entertain you. I'm here to use my talents & gifts the way I am called to do. OK, maybe it is to entertain you, but on my terms - not yours.

Think about that with celebrities, too. We look into their fishbowl lives & then tap on the glass when they don't entertain us the way we want them to.

So, I'm just asking right now:

Either come in & swim with us, or just walk away. Nothing for you here.

Thank you for your cooperation.

When The Girls Want to be Exhibitionists

I mean, really.

Really?

Of all times for this to possibly happen, they should not feel the need to wave at everyone & think about entertaining. I mean, really.

Hubsy & I were doing our weekly shopping. Yes, we do this together. It's part of our weekly "date day" while the kids are in school. And we do it at Walmart. Oh - I sense some of you cringing. I can also sense the wanting to get on your "shame-on-you" soapbox. But guess what! It works for us. And we need a lot of stuff. And we save money. That's our biggest deal right now.

But I digress - because the point is we were shopping at Walmart. And I mean a lot of shopping!

Since it's our usual togetherness outing, I try to treat it like a date & try to look decent. This outing had me sporting some red jeggings, a white button-up tunic blouse, a gray cardigan, and a big-and-beautiful deep yellow scarf. Got it in your head? Good. Let's continue...

I have had the blouse for years. It's got an interesting cut, quarter length French cuffs, and an interesting texture to it. But I go a long time between wearing it. Why? Because I forget something about this top. But I'll get to that in a moment.

We strolled through the health/beauty section, and then some of the Christmas layout, and then passed the toys, and then onto some home wares, and electronics, and then pet food, and then smelly good room smells, then to the paper goods - you get the idea.

When we headed into the grocery part of our grocery shopping, I could feel a tickle from my scarf that I wasn't prepared for. Oh, good grief! My top button on the blouse was undone!
So I buttoned it back "discretely", and carried on with my portion of the shopping.

See, Hubsy & I have shopping "zones". I get a particular few things, he gets a particular things, we rendezvous in an aisle & then continue shopping together as we continue tag teaming the shopping trip. I works pretty well for us!

Well, as I was continuing with my portion of the grocery shopping (before the rendezvous point), it seemed a bit breezy. I did notice that I was getting several stares of attention by my bold choice in outfit! And then...after a while I began to realize that, "...my eyes are up here!" Oh no. That top button had gone renegade again! I fixed it as quickly as I could again. And when my hubby came back, he saw me messing with my outfit awkwardly. I told him I was having issues with my upper portion. He kind of rolled his eyes & laughed. That was until I got that scarf tickle again. I began to realize that The Girls, Boo & Bea, had decided this was the day to become exhibitionists. They tried to break free from their brassiere accommodations (aka - prison pods) and wanted to be social at Walmart. They did so by busting another button hole wide open!

As I turned to try to quickly rectify the situation, Hubsy's eyes nearly popped out of his head! I informed him that Boo & Bea may have entertained a few folks along the way, and possibly made some friends. He just figured he did a killer mind trick. He's such a dude sometimes!

Here's the deal: Boo & Bea are not large. Heck, they got up to the modest size they are by me having kids! I'm well endowed compared to what I used to be, but it's nothing to go bragging about. So the fact that they were trying to find the weakness in the blouse tent to freedom is frightening to me!

Oh yes, the twins put on quite a show.
At Walmart.

And so I stopped & buttoned the top 2 buttons of the cardigan to block any of their possible future view! You know what? It worked! Boo & Bea went to sleep after that.

I guess The Girls want to be exhibitionists. Sorry to the guys, but we need to put an end to that pretty quick. I believe this is why I quit wearing this blouse so much.

Oh, by the way, Boo & Bea wanted me to tell you all hello.

Villainess in the LBD

Believe it or not, people really do like me. I swear!

But if you start questioning some of my immediate family, you'll get a much different story ---

I have had a lot of parenting issues with Teen Diva & Woogie due to some "help" from Peeping Mom years ago. Very grateful for having her help in the early stages of me being a working mom AND a brand new mom, however - it had hidden challenges. Little did we know that she was undermining our authority so often. And it was all in an effort to "help." Now there are challenges, still, in having them see me as a parent. It's hard.

It's interesting, though - they only question my parenting & not necessarily those of Hubsy. But then I figured out why:
See, Hubsy is the golden child of his side. *gag* He can do no wrong. It frustrates his siblings, for sure! I am the second marriage for him. Trying to be chivalrous the 1st time around, he married this other woman because he got her pregnant & thought is was the right thing to do. But it proved challenging since he didn't love her (and probably vice versa), but they had this kid to raise. So, after their divorce, Queen MILly was helping to "raise" my stepdaughter. And in the mess of everything, since I wasn't "the mom", I was not viewed very well. Not that the actual mom was either, but I wasn't the biological mom, and I'm stealing the golden child, so I was not exactly looked well upon. However, I was told I need to step up the "mom-role" with the girl, but when I did, I was being over bearing & told I shouldn't do that; on the flip-side, when I backed off, I wasn't doing enough & I should do more. Obviously, a no-win situation. So she was always told by Queen MILly to listen to either her, her father, or bio mom. I was often shoved aside.

Fast forward to me having my older two, Hubsy's side would tell Teen Diva & Woogie to only ask him or talk to him. I was never included in their view of authority. Frustrating. And it was hard!

Now, on both sides of the coin, there are game-players. You know the ones: anyone who just uses those close to them as game/chess pieces to help them get what they want. Yeah, them. And I don't play those games [anymore]. Because I have figured out that I don't want to be another pawn, I am not a game-player.

I have figured out that I will not compromise who I am or how I act based on how someone else wants me to act just to make THEM happy or feel more superior. I ain't here to kiss rings, feet, or to kneel or bow to anyone. They don't have to like it, but I won't lower myself to levels like that.

It's because I refuse to be a pawn in so many games that I am really viewed as a villainess on both sides of the family.

So imagine when a lot of it culminated when I found out the family alliances going on with both sides of the family against me. And when much of it appeared under 1 roof at the same time! Well, it happened.

I'd seen the ugly from both sides & have pointed out to them before. When one side is mad at me because they don't care, but I should cater to them anyway, to the other side who thinks they care too much & it has actually shoved me aside "out of love" - well, it doesn't end well. And when I don't want to talk about it since I know the friction it will bring, I'm awful for that, too.

Do I realize I'm the common denominator in this? Yep, I sure do. However, it's not like I'm being vilified for a particular quirk. It's literally because I won't bow or cater to several people at once in two totally different family situations.

And, there I was at a family wedding, standing in a little black dress,  being told by one side that I can either just be coordinator or just sit in the masses as a guest while the other side shows up seeing what my reaction would be to being so fully undermined it's ridiculous. And, there I was able to tell people what to do & where to go (take that as you will), in my beautiful Isaac Mizrahi cocktail dress, and able to see that I don't fit in with any part of the family that doesn't live under my roof.

While all of this was building up, I have been confiding in a good friend who is very much like me. She has also dealt in many of the same things I have within her family. Then she gave me a bit of advice that made total sense. She asked me,
"Do you know why you are viewed the way you are & you are used as the shared scapegoat? It's because you are a strong personality, like me, and they don't know how to deal with our strength of character."
Whoa. That was deep. And the more I thought about it, the truer it sounded.

There are several traumatic things that have happened to me over the years, and most of them have come from & because of the 2 alliances. And when I bring up those traumatic things to remind them where that part of the relationships were "shaped" from (or made it more broken), I'm told to get over it. These situations were very bad. very, Very, VERY bad. And I believe it's even worse when both sides of these alliances don't think that what was done & my being thrown under the bus should be considered a big deal.

I am using images of Sarah Ferguson for this post. She is a strong & fabulous redhead that was vilified by the Royal Family. She was shunned & dissed for some things. Now she didn't make the best of choices, don't get me wrong, but I understand the way she was treated.

You must understand that, when you have to stand up for yourself & try to defend or protect your family from the vileness that has been thrown at you, it will look like this:

Yes - all of these reactions happen when I stand up for myself & protect/defend my family. I look like a crazed woman. But I don't back down off of my stance. 

When there are these "family folk" who try to tout having such strong family values, these are the same ones who have screwed me over in a whole lot of ways. You shouldn't bully family & think it's OK. But they do.

So I've decided to join ranks with some of the most amazing & recognizable women:

And I will be fabulous in my role of the villainess.

I am the redheaded black sheep of the family, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.

And may God help the souls who get yanked into & become lost in "The Game".

Parenting Win From the Naughty Side

Hello, Neighbors!

Yes, it's been almost 2 years since I've been around the neighborhood. Actually I moved into the neighborhood just over 2 years ago before needing to get some real life things in order.

I'm not fully back...yet...still not where I can give my neighbors the attention I'd like to give again, but I wanted to share another parenting win with you.

In the 2 years I've been on hiatus, Teen Diva has become a senior. Not sure how that happened, but there you have it. However, she still looks & acts like a middle schooler. That part is frustrating. The acting like one. The fact that she still looks so young will serve her well later in life. But I want to get back to the actions.

Remember back when I had be HOSTAGE TAKER OF ELECTRONICS? Well that hasn't really let up. We can't trust her with her electronics - still.

* Lately, Hubsy has hidden her electronics in one of the drawers of his dresser. It was working pretty well. Then one morning, recently, I busted her with her iPod. I took it & hid it in one of my drawers. And she had a harder grounding with her phone.

* Then I woke her up one morning while she had her laptop with her. BUSTED! Took it & placed it back in Hubsy's drawer & discovered she wasn't supposed to have it. D'oh! More phone grounding.

* When she came home from school the other day, I figured out she was listening to music on something. When I asked what it was, she sighed heavily & handed over her iPod. Hmmm...

* Yesterday morning, I woke her up to having her e-reader AND her phone! Totally Busted! Not supposed to have either.

You see, she'd been rummaging through all of our things to find her stuff & sneak it back. So I hid it ALL in a place where she'd have to work to get to it.

Before I continue, I want to point out that Hubsy & I love to gross out our kids. You know...mushy/gushy sayings of love to each other, big sloppy kisses & fake make-out sessions in front of the kids. It's so much fun to see their faces, watch them twitch & contort, and then to hear the things they say! So entertaining!

Then I got an idea.

An awful idea.

I got an wonderful, awful idea!

See, I have this drawer. Most of you may have one of these. It's not a junk drawer, but instead holds...uh..."special things." You know what I'm sayin'? *wink, wink* 
Some drawers hold pretty, silky, satiny, lacy things;
some drawers hold batteries & leather things;
some drawers hold "literature";
some drawers hold "action" movies;
some drawers hold any combo of the above

No matter, usually it's fun for the grownups to get that moment to rummage through those drawers.

I'm not going to say what is in my special drawer, but I told Hubsy that I plan on moving Teen Diva's electronics into that drawer. So, we she goes rummaging through our things to take back these things...I would love to see her face when she finds that drawer! It will be an glorious & hilarious day!

See? More good parenting at it's finest.

I Love My Family, I Love My Family, I Love My Fam...(and a Personal Victory)

So let me take a moment to share some of my chaos lately. And it is chaotic - so grab a drink & sit back.

Last weekend, Bossyhead had a soccer game about 30 minutes away. It was in a neighboring community of my hometown. My hometown is where ALL of our immediate family lives. So they were thrilled that they didn't have to make the weekly 30 minute drive themselves. AND - when they find out we are heading out their direction - EVERYONE wants to see us! It becomes a long day.

Well, it was on a Sunday. We had church, then we got to eat lunch & find enough time to get ourselves ready for the game. We head out to the game and have to deal with MIL getting lost, so BIL had to drive her. So another family member. But, remember - I like him. Just don't tell him, it might go to his head. My folks were there, too. Well, after the soccer game, we were invited to go over my parents' house to take in the late afternoon football game on TV. So we agreed, then left a little early after our team put a whomping on our rivals! So we headed over to see my homebound grandmother for a little bit. That's hard to deal with sometimes, but it was a good visit & needed to happen. But we couldn't stay long since we needed to go over & see the inlaws. I was not looking forward to this visit. Because MIL had been dying for us to come over for weeks to show off their remote control Santa they got from their garage saleing. Well, we saw it. All hubsy & I could do was just shake our heads. MIL was over-giddy about it. And keep in mind that they have kept that Santa in their kitchen/living room area so we could see it. It's been there for about 3 weeks. Geesh. At this point I had a migraine setting in - any idea why? And then they all forgot & kept yelling at each other to 'come here' & then pull the 'OOPS - I forgot' thing when they realize how bad I hurt. *sigh* Remember? It's Sunday! Now it's a school night - and it IS night by this point. We are still 30 minutes from home & still need to get the kids cleaned up & in bed. Right? WRONG! My inlaws were getting new furniture & so ALL of their living room & dining room furniture were going over to my BIL's. He can't find anyone with a truck on such short notice - so - since hubsy has a truck, guess what that meant! *sigh* So they all load up the furniture to take another 15 minute drive to unload at BIL's. And I hurt. We finally got home late, but got the kids cleaned up & in bed after an overly exhausting day. Turned into a total omelette!

Then, of course the next day is Monday: DOORMAT duties & having to deal with DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh. Well, when I got to Bossyhead's school, they weren't doing what I help with each week since it was a shortened school week. So? No having to deal with DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! YAY! Wait - short school week? *sigh*

We also dealt with parent-teacher conference (only for Bossyhead) and dealing with Woogie's birthday. I can't be old enough to have a 14 yr old! Not possible! But we'd been trying to figure out how to work having a get-together for his birthday, which is mostly with family. Of course.

Well, Bossyhead had his last game this past weekend, here on our home turf. So the family came out to watch (my mom & dad, , the inlaws, BIL, PLUS hubsy's aunt, uncle & cousin who happen to be in town). Now, when there's a game going of a kid your supporting, I would think you would pay attention. Only hubsy, peeping mom & I were the ones paying attention as needed. EVERYONE else was starting conversations & acted like they were the only ones there. SERIOUSLY! When a game is going & you come up to ask me how the movie way, I will walk away from you. Just for future reference. Oh, and it's not the time to talk about politics, talk horribly about people who are dead, and/or how everything should be about you. Oh, and I know you want to tell the kid you're supporting they are doing a great job, but just because he takes a break on the bench doesn't give you the right to just walk over & start a conversation with them. WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE GAME! That's all I'm saying. And yes, that's what we were dealing with. Oh, and don't put pressure on the kid you're watching to score a goal & make sure the team wins just for YOUR bragging rights.

Then, after the game, we all were going to head over to our house for a cookout to celebrate Woogie's bday. I made a swirl cake, but have no decorating skills for a cake. That's my mom's territory, but Woogie wanted me to do it. Of course. So I had to fake all the baking plus made extra cupcakes, too. I did all the baking BEFORE the game & knew I'd have to decorate while the WHOLE family was there. SURPRISE! This included everyone at the game PLUS: my brother, grandma (yay!), SIL & hubby + girls, and with the addition of Teen Diva's new boyfriend. Whew!

So now I have MIL whining because I didn't make cupcakes SHE wanted! Um - I think she forgets it's not HER party. Then she eventually begins to tell EVERYONE (loudly) about the bachelor & bachelorette parties at strip clubs that hubsy's aunt & uncle went to a year & a half ago AND started talking about stripper names & lap dances. Um - in front of the kids. When we told her to shut up, she just started loudly whispering the rest of her thought. Then when we tell her to shut up AGAIN (reminding her about her grandchildren), she gives it a break for about 2 minutes & starts in on it again. Ugh & ew! Peeping mom is standing around in the kitchen watching my decorating failures & wanting to help. But I can DO this!! So I try & the cake turned out crazy, messy, cool! She admitted she was impressed. And I made my own icing - which mom approves of! YAY! Oh, and MIL & the aunt devoured the 3 leftover pieces of birthday cookie cake that Woogie was hoping to hold onto to have at another time. But they were hungry & couldn't wait for the grilling, so they gobbled it up & MIL wanted to know about licking the beaters from the cake batter. I can't make this stuff up, people. Then Goober (belongs to MIL - the yang to her yang), is all heart but just needs to sit in a corner. He wants to help & is a lot of talkin' about stuff he actually doesn't get. Have I ever mentioned how the inlaws need a 24/7 chaperone or assisted living? Just wondering - it's because they do! Meeting the boyfriend was OK. He seemed nice enough & they were cute together even though he is about 3 of her (she's super petite with a tiny & he was very tall with a bigger frame). But he was prepared to meet the lunatics (because that's how Teen Diva described the whole family - nice). We had to deal with MIL wanting to know when we were doing the cake so she could eat 4 of my cupcakes. Geesh!

When it came time for gifts, Woogie got a few new shirts & a couple of jackets. MIL was just announcing & gushing about how 'pretty' was going to look going back to school on Monday. Ugh. My poor son. And when it was time for all to depart, the inlaws think they are in so good with my grandma. She thinks they are immature & need to grow up! HA!! So do the rest of us.

FINALLY when everyone left, we just had the boyfriend hanging around. His mom brought him was going to pick him up late. That's fine - let's get to know him! But when it came time for him to be picked up - he just left. Teen Diva walked him out, but he said nothing to us. *RED FLAG*

Well, on Sunday, Teen Diva got to sing a little bit of a solo EARLY with the 'old people choir'. Very proud of her! And one of the girls she's having teen drama with had to sit there & watch & listen. HA! Well, during another service (our normal one), Teen Diva got a text message from the boyfriend. Not a good one either. It was a BREAKUP TEXT!! Because he doesn't drive & they wouldn't get to hang out much. WHAT?? For being such a big guy, he was certainly a weenie! But Teen Diva may have another guy in the wings; one she already had a thing for but didn't think she had any chance with. Well, there might be now. I told her to change her focus since this pig isn't worth her hormonal emotions! But, in diva-fashion, I think she's milking it for all it's worth.

*DEEP BREATH IN; DEEP BREATH OUT*

Then yesterday came around - Monday. This would mean? DOORMAT duties (with the SUCKER hat). And I was putting my guard up for DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh! When I showed up, the copies had not even been made yet - so I went to check on them ---- and my arch nemesis had not shown up yet. So - I took the copies & RAN to the copy room. So that meant I was in charge this time!! Eventually, DISORGANIZED DITTO-oh-oh-oh-oh came blowing in like a tumbleweed & I told her what she needed to do & how to do it! Guess what? We were organized & got done faster. Go figure. VICTORY IS MINE!!!

So, also had Halloween - I did extra DOORMAT duties at Bossyhead's school as I got roped into helping with the party. Apparently my 'NO' button was broken when I got asked. But that was fun & I got to take Bossyhead home early! Worked out great! Had to put up Halloween decor for the Trick or Treaters, get my costume on, help the kids with their costumes, set out the candy, eat dinner, and attempt to watch Monday Night Football. What a night!I do love Halloween!

So, my friends, that's what I've been up to. I think you're mostly caught up!
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Cleaning Tip: The Darn Thing Was Loaded With Sh...

'...aving cream, be nice clean. Shave everyday and you'll always look keen!'

That's right, I'm going to give you a really-truly-true, really true cleaning tip! Oh, I can hear you --- "Say What?" I know. But sometimes I can come up with a gem or two. And if you haven't figured out - it involves: SHAVING CREAM!

I do not know the science behind it, but it is a killer cleaner! Sinks, tubs, mirrors - seriously! Get the super cheap stuff, no need to make things pricey. Keep. It. Cheap.

Squirt the cream (simmer down & get those minds out of the gutter) all over the surface. Take a scrub brush, or whatever you choose to scrub with, and scrub the entire surface with it. Rinse with water. If the staining is bad enough, use a little bleach or bleach cleaner with it.

I used some on our bathtub yesterday. Hubsy got out of the shower, he asked if I thought it worked. I asked him what he thought. He began to act like he'd been blinded & said he thought a layer of enamel may have been stripped away. This caused me to begin laughing. That's what prompted him saying he sometimes loves my laugh since it sometimes gets a "bat of an eyelash away from snorting".

So, cleaning method: Approved.

See? And it's quick, cheap & easy! (simmer down & get your minds out of the gutter)
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Explaining Lunar-tics

Yesterday, I had to do some driving on the highway to help out with some family stuff. The drivers were CA-RAY-ZAY! And not just one or two - a whole slue of them. And it got me thinking about when this tends to happen - full moon.

Now I used to have a J.O.B. several years ago where I was the main receptionist for several bank branches. Our particular lobby was pretty telling of what the lunar phase was, so much so that I started keeping up on when the full moon was. When it was time for the full moon, I would send an email to all employees that had a LOT of customer contact to beware. And I would always be right. It would be scary the characters & demeanors that would come out during that time. Full-on CA-RAY-ZAY!

Well, I also noticed something else - when the lunar half-moon is out, it brings out the half-wits. Seriously. Watch for it.

So, as I was trying to figure out if it was a full moon, I talked to hubsy to see if he knew. Last night, we looked up & saw ------------------- half-moon. Yes indeed - the half-wits came out to play.

I got thinking about these lunar phases: should we play quarters on the quarter-moon, and should we be baby-making on the baby moon (or practicing)?

Now, you should feel slightly & strangely educated. And beware on the full moon AND half moon. You're welcome.
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Acquiring the 50's - Hopefully

Recently I have gained a chance to acquire something so amazing & exciting, I am hoping to get a hold of it. And I promise, it is not a seashell crucifix - I promise!

We are going through my grandmother's house that we are getting ready to sell right now, so we are trying to divey up some things. She recently moved to assisted living, so it's OK. But it's hard going through all of the stuff like she isn't with us.

However, as much history is in that place that she has held onto, I am dying to get a hold of some fabulous things that I could still use! Want to know what it is? Well I just might tell you!




I got a hankerin' to get a table & 3 chairs, refrigerator, rolling cart, cabinet & toaster all from the 50's & all in silver & white! They are fabulous! But we are not sure where to put the stuff. And I knew hubsy wouldn't exactly be pleased about any of this.

Well, I spoke to him today, vocally batted my eyes (it can be done), and I gave him my ideas. Hubsy's reaction was letting me know that we don't have room, I must be crazy, and that he is not telling me no!

He didn't say yes - but he didn't say NO! Oh, this stuff is so mine! WaHoo!
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Future White Elephants

My MIL is an avid garage saler. Sometimes it's to a fault. She has recently come into some extra freedom to go do more of it. The things she has ended up with lately, though have been MUCH less than appealing!

Recently the inlaws have been acquiring some animated animals that sing. 3 of them so far - one of them given to Teen Diva. A hamster singing "I'm Too Sexy" is Perfect White Elephant (PWE) #1.

They have also been picking up strange Christmas items. The most recent is a 3 ft tall, remote control Santa with a serving tray on his head. MIL is totally giddy about playing with it & making it go through their place. They want us out very soon to show it to us. Ick.

So, onto the visit last night. They came over after - you guessed it - garage saling ALL DAY LONG. Yay for us.

We have a rule at our house that the kids cannot have food or drink in their rooms. It's due to saving all of us from unneeded spills, germs, extra trash & missing dishes. I think it makes sense. But - when the inlaws showed up last night, this is what we find for Teen Diva:



When I confronted MIL about how this is not allowed, she informed me it is just for water. So I explained that this will encourage the disappearance of cups & glasses into Teen Diva's black hole. MIL said they planned on buying her little paper cups to keep in there. So - encouraging more trash. Oh, and spillage. I was pissed! And MIL didn't understand why. So? PWE #2 in the works - I don't care how much Teen Diva likes it.

Then, when I had a chance to just sit down on the couch, I saw one of the most horrendous things I have ever, Ever, EVER laid my eyes on. All I can say at this moment is - prepare yourselves.







Brace yourselves.









But here is what I promised.











Are you ready?















Are you sure?














Is the suspense killing you?






















Are you all OK? I still haven't recovered. Partially because it is still in our house! The inlaws noticed I wasn't as "taken" with it as MIL. She thought it was so pretty! She wanted Hubsy to put it in his office. Hubsy can't even look at it. And yes, what you are looking at what is PWE #3 - a seashell crucifix. A seashell cross is weird enough, but a plastic bleeding Jesus hanging from it, too? Then, even better - MIL said they had to fix Jesus' arm because it broke. They superglued the arm back on! I'm speechless looking at it - so is Hubsy.

And, not sure if I'm happy for this or hurting for them, but Woogie & Bossyhead didn't really get anything. Well, Bossyhead got pajamas that WE requested they pick up. So we knew what we were getting, but I can't imagine if they picked things out on their on at garage sales. Yowza.

So, since the inlaws are each other's yin to their yin (yes ,they are TOO much alike), and cannot discern anything, I'm am in true belief they need 24/7 chaperoning. Save us all!
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Omelette Friday

Really? Of course this is how my Fridays have been going lately!

If you have read my 1st Omelette post or my 2nd Omelette post, you now have an idea about how this one will be going.

Fridays are a day when some necessary shopping gets done & I can partake in other things as I enjoy my day with Hubsy. *wink, wink*

Well, we've had very omelette-like Fridays lately, so this would be our first "back to 'normal'" Friday since school started. Right?

Well, I was getting ready for the store, making the list, etc., and got cleaned up, but had the notion to "switch things up a bit". *wink, wink* Hubsy did point out that he wondered if the day would now be thrown off. Whatever.

Well, we decided to check out a store or two after lunching & before heading to the store. That's when it started going haywire:

Teen Diva (you knew she had to be coming into this somewhere) had not made up her mind about going to an event this weekend which she would need tickets for. As we were planning our weekend, I thought I'd text her to see if she'd thought about it for sure. She texted back that she was "going to ask me earlier" if I could bring some $$ to her so she could get a ticket. REALLY? Not sure when she expected to tell me! When it would be too late & then we'd have to hear her tantrum about it? After making her feel bad about it & saying we were already out doing stuff & not sure I could get to her, she sent the whiniest text back (I could hear it, trust me).

In the meantime, hubsy was invited to play golf with a couple of guys that we were just having a conversation about. Well, it would work out for him to go play golf if I went & to give Teen Diva the $$ for her ticket. We would just wait on having food in the house.

That's what we decided to do. And (bad mommy) the only reason I decided to give into Teen Diva was because that meant we could go shopping for it. Mama loves a good shopping trip!

So hubsy & I enjoyed our morning (out of order, of course) then went & enjoyed a nice lunch, then went "window shopping", then came home so he could golf & I could "prep for a shopping trip". (Yes, that's what I'm choosing to call it.) We will have to go grocery shopping at some point, too. We will just have to take Teen Diva, Woogie & Bossyhead with us, too. D'oh! Forgot about that part!

So, my Friday really was scrambled, filled, fried & flipped for sure! Omelette, anyone?
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What Has Happened to Me?

I became a S@HM for the 3rd time over two years ago. In between, I had a working life.

When I was at a J.O.B., I found that my holiday or wish lists included things to look good for work, things that would help me through the day, gift cards that I could get that stuff myself, etc. But lately I began to realize these wants have changed.

I have started baking more in the last year. I realized that I wanted several things for that: baking pans, utensils, major mixers, etc. Trust me, 5 years ago, this never would have crossed my mind!

Also, a few days ago, we had some chicken thawed out for hubsy to grill. The one day that fit in our schedule for him to grill, he didn't feel like it. I can count on 1 hand how many times I have ever fixed chicken. Seriously. Usually that's a thing hubsy works with. Well, we had to use the chicken. I know many are pulling out the crock pots again, so I decided to do the same. You know - "lazy cooking". I threw in some seasoning stuff that hubsy would have used for grilling into the crock pot with the chicken. Very happy with how it came out & I didn't have to worry about burning it. So, since our crock pot was one of our wedding gifts, which was before timers were being put on them, I find myself wanting to do more lazy cooking & get an updated crock pot.

Really? A mixer? A crock pot? What is happening to me? Just the other day, hubsy took Woogie & Bossyhead to the driving range while Teen Diva stayed home to break into some sewing & I stayed around to bake. Uh - what stereo types did we just become? I think I'm more bothered that I was OK with it!

I have read articles around gift-giving holidays that there are certain gifts you should NEVER give a woman. One of the things pointed out happened to be kitchen appliances, even if she asks for it. Two years ago, or before, I would have completely agreed with it! However, if I ask for this stuff - I really do want it! I would be so overjoyed by getting a new big mixer or a fancy lazy cooker!

Trust me. If any family members ever read this, they would be taking me to a hospital or checking me into a psyche ward. Luckily, this is my time away from them, so I can look & feel pathetic to my neighbors.

So, you can get me a new coffee pot, too.
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Omelette Day: The Hectic, The Good, The Bad AND Ugly

Originally, my only obligation for Labor Day was helping out with my goddaughter's 16th birthday. It was happening in my hometown. All of our family also live in my hometown, so once they caught wind of needing to be out there, they started bookending the day quickly. So, if you saw my recent Omelette Week post, imagine it happening within a day.

I got some baking done for the birthday party, but it turned out I burned some of it. Ugh. By the time I figured it out, I needed to go to bed. So I had to redo some of the baking first thing this morning by getting up early. Ugh. I was finishing some laundry, too. I was going like crazy for over 3 hours before I even got to get cleaned up. By then, I had about 45 minutes to get cleaned up & completely ready to begin our day. Teen Diva wasn't fairing so well as she wasted her time. Bossyhead needed cleaned up & tried to worm his way out of it - I won that round. Woogie just went with the flow, luckily. Hubsy decided to leave the premisses while all of this was going on - not a help.

We did make it out the door to go meet my family at a restaurant for lunch & surprise my grandmother. That was a nice visit & we had a great server. Then onto the next part of the day: the birthday party.

Teen Diva & I went to the party. It was great fun, plus I got to hang out with my childhood best friend & her family. We are a big bunch of dorks who can whoop it up with or without help (like wine). We only drank lemonade with the teenagers there, and I think we had more fun dancing & such than they did. What a great time! Then came dinner with the inlaws.

I want to make it clear that I love my inlaws - I really, REALLY do. But it's hard to defend that & show it after this evening. Last weekend, when they were over at our place, we fixed them enchiladas. So when they took the back bookend of the day, they wanted to feed us, too. They hoped for some grilling time, but decided last minute to fix...enchiladas. Plus they were going to invite a whole group of people. This is not a big deal, but stick with me.

My brother inlaw has this one friend who I do not approve of. He is morally screwed up & just not right. He can convince people to do things, but not me. When he comes, guess who leaves the room if possible? *raises hand* I was not informed he was going to be there, and I never want him around my kids - EVER! Well, while Teen Diva & I were whooping it up, the boys were going to go get haircuts. My MIL said that one of the girls coming by does hair & was going to check to see if she could come out early to help out. Well, after all the hair was cut (not happy with Woogie's), we all gathered around to start eating.

As we sat down, in through the back door entered Unwanted. They all know my feelings for this guy. My sister inlaw feels the same way I do & won't let him near her kids either. That should be a hint. Well, I noticed he sat with my kids & the haircutter, then realized he shared a seat with her. I later asked who the girl actually was. As it turns out, she is one of the infidelities of Unwanted. I was angry with my inlaws for making this OK since they know my feelings about Unwanted, but my hubsy too for allowing all of this to be around & touch my children! I'm not speaking to hubsy - or MIL. Never should've happened. I'm still livid.

Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm PMSing, but the middle part of the whole day is what I'm clinging to. Oh, and the fact that the inlaws didn't dress as twinkie-twins for the first time in weeks. Thank God!

So, how was your Labor Day?
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